Wait...another post!?

This is what a lazy Sunday will do for you. Ample time to think. Ample time to write. Ample time to eat. Sigh. Ample time to play with the best baby on Earth. Ample time to blog! Yippee!!!!

Just thought little miss Noelle deserved to be on this blog a little more...and what better way to do it than to post this picture? We have been trying to get her to take to a sippy cup for a couple of months now. Really, she will do it every now and then, but she is not showing much love toward the thing. BUT...I bought her this adorable little cup only because it had a bulldog on it...and it turns out that she loves sipping through a straw!

No worries. Orange substance in sippy was Pedialyte...not orange pop.

Air it out

I have some thoughts that I would like to get off my chest. And since my husband is nowhere to be found (i.e. somewhere on the ICU floor of St. Vincent's Hospital), and since Noelle is napping, I am just going to air it out right here.

1) I find Jennifer Hudson's weight loss via Weight Watchers to be incredible. However, her obnoxious, exaggerated rendition of "Feeling Good" on the commercial really, really annoys me. I mean...wasn't she an Idol reject?

2) The amount of celebrities getting pregnant lately is super annoying-- not because they aren't allowed, but because 90% of them are not married and are continuing to glamorize unwed pregnancy. In the real world, you don't have enough money to pay for 3 nannies, expensive baby equipment, and the best health insurance. It is hard enough to do it married...let alone by yourself. In the real world, no one has a camera in your face taking a picture of how fabulous you look 35 weeks pregnant and how equally amazing you look 2 weeks after having a baby. Why? Because normal people DON'T look that fabulous and no one cares about you...obviously. Things happen...people get pregnant...but I just don't understand why we continue to make it appear to be the easiest thing in the world to bear a child and then raise a good human being...when it clearly is the most difficult, challenging, (albeit rewarding) experience responsibility you could ever take on. And...no matter how much MTV tries to steer girls away from teen pregnancy by showing the hardships these girls on Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant face each day, they still can't deny paying these girls $280,000 per season and giving them the avenues to wind up on the covers of magazines. Not normal. Not fair. Not helping the situation at all.

3) I am really astonished at how many people my age are going through or have gone through a divorce. I learned of three couples who have called it quits just last night in one dinner with a friend. For one girl, this will be her 2nd divorce...and she is my age. What's the issue? Are we really getting married too young and then simply growing up and growing apart? Are we getting married for the wrong reasons? Are we not well-versed in communication skills? Are we allowed to give up too easily in other areas of life and then it just translates over to the marriage? I also wonder if maybe this is a side effect of my generation growing up with a lot more divorced parents than the generations before us. Of course there are situations that arise that definitely warrant filing for divorce. I am not trying to say you should stick it out at all costs, no matter what, but I am just overwhelmed with sadness as I can still see the couples' wedding pictures floating around on Facebook...and they seemed so happy. What happened between then and now?

OK. I feel better.

83%

83% could mean a lot of things.

1) It could mean the percentage in which my brain has been functioning this week.

2) It could mean the amount of Luke's waking hours that he has spent at the St. Vincent ICU this week on the night shift.

3) It could mean the grade I got in World History in High School.

4) It could mean the percent of a chance that I will just forego my fast food boycott and make my way to Dairy Queen to get a Chocolate Extreme Blizzard right. this very. second.

Actually...it means none of those.

It means that 83% of Noelle's first year of life is behind her. Yes, she's 10 months old. And yes, even though I teach 4th grade and fractions to percentages and all that good stuff, I definitely plugged it into the calculator on my Mac's dashboard just to make sure that 10/12 is 83%.

This has been a crazy ass week, but I am going to give this post the respect it deserves by telling you that our little sweetie is well on her way to her 1st birthday, and I am excited and sad all the same. I am trying to think of a way to type all of this out without sounding like the most cliched mommy you have ever heard...which means I will avoid phrases like time is "just passing before my eyes," and "she is growing like a weed," and "she is changing before my eyes"...even though all of which are true.

What I will say is that Noelle has approximately 4 and 2/3's teeth. Three full teeth on the bottom, one full fang on the top, and 1/3 of two other teeth are poking through on the top, too. She is starting to look less like a baby and more like a little girl. She still crinkles her nose when she smiles, makes the most adorable sound when she laughs (think of what an overweight chipmunk might sound like if it were to laugh out loud...), and she freaking loves it when Luke tosses her up in the air.

She says a lot of sounds, such as dada, mama, gaga, and she will say "geehceyatt," which is baby language for cat! She loves the cats and will look around the room if you say, "Noelle, where's the kitty cat?" She also calls Ernie "dada," so she is either really confused or...really confused.

Noelle walks behind her shopping cart on her own. She pulls up to stand, cruises down the couch, waves, and claps occasionally. Unfortunately, I caught her clapping during Mitch Daniels's State of the State address a couple nights ago. She didn't quite understand that we don't clap for that man in our house.

We believe Noelle to be a bit on the short side for her age. Her 9 month pants hang off of her at the bottom, and we have to roll them up so she can practice walking. She is still in size 3 diapers, she is mostly on baby food and some table food, though she still loves her 2 1/2 bottles a day.

Last night, I really thought she was going to crawl. She was starting to do a bear crawl type of thing, and she would get on all 4s and rock back and forth. As soon as I got the video camera out, she stopped.

Luke has worked nights all week, meaning that he goes in to the hospital around 5 and gets home around 7-7:30 in the morning. This all adds up to not a lot of time with us together. Approximately 20-30 minutes each day. However, due to the amount of snow we received this week, my school has been on a delay for 2 days and released early one day. This has allowed us to see Luke a little more than we would have normally.

I got my first "your baby is sick and you need to come get her" call today. I think I have done pretty well to make it 10 months without one of those. Noelle has had an upset tummy for the past couple of days, and today it was REALLY upset because she had a blowout so epic that it exploded out of her clothes and spewed "water" onto the floor at daycare. Icky. I had to take her to the doctor today to get a note saying Noelle could go back. As much as I didn't want to leave school in the middle of the day, I really enjoyed being able to spend some extra time with the baby girl.

So, in a nutshell, Noelle is the epitome of awesomeness and I love her more each day. Her personality is really starting to show, and I find myself looking forward to each new day, anxiously awaiting her next development or change.

And....here's her 10 month teddy bear picture!

Not lovin' it.

Dear McDonald's,

I miss you. A lot. It has been well over a week...going on two weeks...since I last indulged in your goodness.

More specifically, I miss the Mexi-Donald's on 96th Street. I say this in no disrespect of the Mexican culture. This McDonald's is my favorite on Earth because it is so efficient, quick, and always correct. I have never once had an issue with an order, except for that one tiny slip-up when I was Sweet Tea'd on my way to school. (Sweet Tea'd = I got Sweet Tea instead of Diet Coke and nearly choked to death due to the shock and horror) I have totally forgiven you and see no reason to hold that over your head.

A few times this week, I have been really tempted to just throw my resolution out my window and pull up to your window and place my order. Would it be a Happy Meal? Or would it be a #2 with no cheese? Would I go for Chicken Nuggets? Would I just get a Diet Coke? I am not sure what I would get if I could, but the bottom line is that I have a goal to achieve, so I just can't allow myself to give in.

You have comforted me many times in the past when I have been stressed, rushed, frustrated, or pissed. I ate you many times to spite my husband, just because he hates you. I have gone to you with friends or alone. I have rarely been disappointed.

I suppose you could say that I am an addict, but I am trying to break the cycle. Please don't tempt me with your beautiful billboards or your catchy commercials. I will just have to change the channel or look the other way.

I'm not saying I will never see you again, but it will probably be a while still. Just know that even though we are not seeing each other on a frequent basis, I still have a very big place in my heart and my gut (right around my spare tire area) for you.

Yours truly,
Ashley

Baby Number Two

Don't have a heart attack, Mom. There is no baby number two. This is just me expressing my thoughts on the subject.

I feel and have felt for a while that the decision to have baby number two will be twenty nine times more intense than the decision to have baby number one (i.e. Noelle).

I am hit with conflicting thoughts about the topic. In many ways, I know that I am not ready for a second child. Financially, it scares me. Daycare is expensive. Everything else, I feel I have absorbed just fine in my "budget" (WHAT BUDGET?) by making sacrifices in other areas. But the daycare...holy hell. It sucks. Daycare in general sucks-- not because I think they don't take good care of Noelle, but because I am paying someone else to play with her, see her smiles, hear her giggles, and all the while I am sprouting gray hairs like I can sell them on eBay due my stress at school.

That brings me to my next point. Is it morally correct to have another child when I know that I am not going to be able to stay home with him/her? When I know that this baby will have years of daycare in his/her future? I feel like Noelle is such a trooper and is just going with the flow...and I feel like she is our little battle warrior baby...but why would I subject another child to long days away from their home?

Is Noelle ready to be a big sister? That sentence almost is comical. She is still such a baby herself. But...in 9 months...or a year...or 18 months.... will she be ready? Will she be ready to share us? Should we only have one child?

But then I get into the cold, hard, facts. My pregnancy with Noelle was flawless, including being 7 cm dilated before I even went into active labor. If I can get my mind to forget about the nearly 4 hours of pushing, I think I would just go around being a professional baby-haver. It was that easy and "textbook" as my doctor put it. Noelle has been the perfect baby. Not a health problem...only one sick baby visit in 10 months. Sleeping through the night at 8 weeks. Sleeping the second her body falls into a car seat. Smiling, laughing, waving, giggling, saying "Cat..." she's perfect. Why wouldn't I have another one? Why do I have any reason to believe that any subsequent children won't be this wonderful?

When will I know that we are ready to expand our family? When will my heart with the battle with my head? I find myself feeling the way I did before I got pregnant with Noelle...jealous of the pregnant women I see around me and wondering when it will be my turn.

Seriously...no comments, Mom. ;-)

Resolution Check- Week 1

Well, I am here to offer a weekly update to my resolutions I made. I did not go through one drive-thru this whole week! You might think that is not a big deal, but honestly, I was hittin' a drive-thru in some form or another like 5 times a week-- either for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or a Diet Coke (which was it usually was). I know that $1 Diet Coke from McDonald's is not the biggest offense on Earth, but honestly-- that $1 DC usually turns into a $3.49 value meal. Not to mention I was drinking DC by the GALLONS and totally neglecting my water intake. Not good. Not healthy. Not to mention expensive. Spending $1 a day on Diet Coke alone, coupled with a few nights of Value Meals...and it adds up to like $10 a week on crappy SHITTY food. So, in that regard, I have done really well!

I only made it to Zumba once this week. I wish I could have done it at least twice. That is my goal. So, hopefully this week will be better, though I doubt it because Luke is working over night this week. Awful. I hate it. Only 4 more months of Med School of us...thank GOD. Not that residency will be any better by any means...

I did go to Target twice this week. My resolution was just to go once. However, I bought nothing frivolous or unnecessary either time. I just got diapers and some groceries and a gift for Clare's baby shower. Go me.

So, all in all, I think I did pretty well. I didn't fall off any wagon. I am still very much on my way to having a healthy year in all aspects of my life. I even said "No" to a commitment that would have taken me away from my family for several hours. There's so much power in that tiny little word!

Happy New Year!

I realize that I need to upload some pictures here soon. I also need to do that on my photography blog because...well...it is for my photography, so I need to show some photography. Speaking of that-- I am so happy with the growth of my photography "business." I counted, and I did over 20 photo sessions in about 5 months in 2010. I have already started the new "season" with a great session, and I have several more coming up. Very cool. I love it.

Anyway-- we had the most uneventful New Year's ever. I mean...if it were any more uneventful, we'd be 6 feet under, if you know what I mean. I went to a special New Year's Eve Zumba class, and then I came back, got ready really quickly, and then we went to PF Chang's (my favorite Chinese place!) to celebrate NYE and our 10 year anniversary of being together. We made a reservation, they had our table ready, and we were out of there within an hour. We came back, played with Noelle for a few, put her to bed, then I fell asleep long before midnight. I woke up at about 11:45, just in time to watch the ball drop and then fall back asleep. No parties. No drinking. No screaming at midnight. No noise makers. No silly hats. A part of me missed this...the traditions of NYE past...but a part of me was just fine with spending the evening with my husband and my daughter, safe and sound in our home. Maybe the fact that 2011 was welcomed in quietly and calmly will mean that it will be a quiet and calm year...

Now, on to those resolutions. I make them every year. I break them every year...but I think it's because my motivations are never really whole-hearted. I usually say I want to lose weight...not to be healthier but because I want to look good on a bikini. I usually say I want to save money...not for financial fitness but for something frivolous that I want to buy. This year, I have decided to focus on health and balance...the total picture...taking care of myself so that I can be a better mom, wife, daughter, friend, teacher, person. I think that is all we can hope for at the dawn of a new year.

One resolution I am determined to uphold is eliminating fast food from my diet. This is not only for my health benefit, but also for my financial benefit. Honestly, even commercials for fast food are making my stomach churn. Too much. I am done.

So...you might scoff at my resolutions and think there's no way I will keep them...but I don't care. I will never know unless I try.