Charlotte Update

So, this pregnancy will go down in history as the least documented event in life. Maybe that's an exaggeration, but compared to Noelle's when I was documenting everything, every week, I have now become what I promised I wouldn't...forgetting to take belly bump pictures, forgetting to write things down, forgetting to give Charlotte the 5 star treatment I gave her big sister. This makes me sad, but I can't go back in time and redo what I have missed, so I guess I will just give an update to ease my own guilt.

I am close to 27 weeks pregnant right now. I really can't believe that because I feel like it took an eternity to get to this point with Noelle, and these past 27 weeks (well, 24-ish since I found out) have just zoomed by. Being busy with Noelle, photography, and life in general has accounted for the time warp feeling, and I wish I could just take it all in a little more. Before I know it, this will be over, and I will be a mother to two precious girls (insert excited squeal!), but I know I will miss the pregnancy.

I have always been blessed with "easy" pregnancies. I don't get morning sickness. I don't have health complications (knock on wood). I don't get so tired that I can't move or function or take care of myself and/or others. I don't have weird cravings or aversions. I simply function as a normal human growing another human inside. No big deal. I chalk it up to simply not allowing myself the time to think about feeling like crap...because there are days when I don't feel up to par...but I just can't think about it. There's too much to do in a day. This is not to say that women who suffer from all of the above are weaker than me or that they throw themselves pity parties all day (because believe me I would if I did have all of the nasty pregnancy symptoms), I'm just saying this is what I do and it works for me.

Charlotte moves a ton. She loves to be active in the evening and while I am sleeping. She moves twice as much as Noelle ever did. Noelle moved just enough to let me know that she was OK. Charlotte moves constantly. I don't know what this means for us for when she is born, but I'm loving her active personality already.

I'm big. I think I have gained less weight so far in this pregnancy, but I started about 15 pounds heavier than I did with Noelle, so I feel like I look about 6 weeks ahead of where I should. I am self conscious about this and really don't like my picture taken this time around (which probably explains the "forgetting" of the belly bump pictures). I am looking forward to having Charlotte so that I can begin the process of losing this pregnancy's weight as well as Noelle's. I have a goal of losing 50 pounds. I shared this goal with Luke over our anniversary dinner at Cheesecake Factory, after we had an appetizer, entree, and dessert (cheesecake!). Of course that would be problem #1.... a 3 course meal, but it was our anniversary and I'm still pregnant. So there.

We have begun the process of combining Noelle and Charlotte's rooms. We have picked up some art for the walls, gone through Noelle's clothes from 0-3 months and put them in the dresser, and we are slowly but surely making room for baby. We have loads of baby gear to bring down from the attic and get ready, but we will soon enough. It's definitely really easy to get ready for a sibling that is the same sex as the older one. It's also easier to know the sex this time around. It was fun to be surprised with Noelle, but it's been fun to know and call her by her name, too.

Speaking of her name, we have decided on Charlotte Scout Ernstberger. I have always loved the name Scout for a little girl, but I never thought I would be daring enough to use it as a first name. It doesn't really "go" with Noelle, either, which is pretty feminine looking. However, we love the balance of Charlotte Scout...girly with strong...a little tomboy mixed with frills...and we love that Scout is a character in To Kill A Mockingbird, which is Luke's mom's favorite book and my mom is an English teacher. It all fits.

I go for my glucose test next week. I'm a little nervous that I will have GD this time around, mainly because I feel fat...which is really no evidence that I have it but I definitely feel more at-risk this time around.

Once school starts, this pregnancy is going to fly by even faster. I will be so busy with school and getting things ready for my maternity leave that I will barely have time to think about anything else.

Charlotte, we are so excited and ready to meet you. We know you will be the best addition to our family. Thank you for being so easy on me and for fitting into our already-crazy life. I hope you know that even though I haven't been the  best at documenting every step of your journey that I love you so much!

Honestly

It's been a month since I clicked the Publish button, and I'm pretty sure that's because I try to avoid the way I'm feeling right now. Anxious. Nervous. Full of thoughts yet empty on words. I have started a handful of posts over the past several weeks, only to shut my computer with frustration and go about doing something else.

I really think that I have experienced and am experiencing a ______ life crisis. I don't know what to call it when I am only (freshly, as of yesterday) 28 years old. I hope it's not a mid-life crisis as I would like to live to be older than 56, but I suppose stranger things have happened and I know the world would in fact go on. 

Unless the world ends in December of this year. In that case we have a whole new set of issues on our hands.

Anyway-- I feel this is an actual "crisis," meaning that I am so afraid of failing that I am taking myself out of the ball game all together. This is new for me. I of course have felt fear and anxiety before, but I have never really let it impair me to the point of just removing myself from the situation all together. Now I feel like I have been doing lately is thinking of ways to get out of commitments and responsibilities I would otherwise have no problem completing. Am I vague enough for you?

I love the Internet, but the Internet doesn't always love me. What I mean is that I love to stalk blogs, read websites, go Pinterest crazy, and just basically creep around into other people's lives, but these practices have really hurt me lately and have hindered my confidence as I enter my 29th year of life. In a time when I should be more sure and self-aware than ever, I find myself doubtful, insecure, and questioning every single part of myself, slicing and dicing until there's nothing left.

My practice of reading outstanding teachers' blogs has caused me to doubt what I can do in the classroom, thinking I'll never be as creative and talented and effective as these ladies. I have woken up in the middle of the night thinking about my class's ISTEP scores, wondering what I could have done better to get 100%. 

I love to get inspiration for photos from other photographers who are much more talented than I am, but lately I have just been consumed by worry that my photos will never be that amazing. When I don't hear back from a client who has received my photos, or when I lose a client to someone else (which has happened before as well as just recently-- a long time, 4 session client), I start to wonder why I am even trying. I begin to think that this whole thing is a waste of time and I should just quit before I waste any more money. I don't like fishing for compliments-- in fact  never actually try to fish for a compliment, but there are times that I would really like to hear something like, "WOW! That photo is incredible! GREAT WORK!" I don't hear that...like, ever. So, maybe my photos aren't incredible, and maybe I should just quit? I don't know anymore.

Don't get me started on Facebook. I love and hate it with a passion. I recently felt like a loser because I saw a bunch of girls my age celebrating a bachelorette party, looking all cute and trendy and skinny with their alcoholic drinks in a hotel room, while I was sitting on my bed in Luke's T-shirt at 8:45 on a Saturday night ready to call it a night. I am always so torn between loving being "past" that time in my life and hating that I am not even 30 and have the social life of a 75 year old. Then again, even those people have social calendars at the retirement home. I have phantom friends, friends who I know are there but I don't talk to or see unless it's on my Facebook newsfeed. I have become awful at remembering birthdays, organizing dinners, having people over, or basically just making an effort. I'm embarrassed by what a horrible friend I am.

What it all comes down to, I believe, is that I truly have no idea WHO THE HELL I AM. I am 28 years old and suffering an identity crisis. I don't know who I am, what I want, or how to be OK with any of that. I feel ungrateful for saying all of this because I know that I have a beautiful daughter and another on the way, and I know I have a great husband and I know that we have jobs and a roof over our heads and cars that run and all that stuff. I know. But is it too much to ask to feel as whole on the inside as I appear on the outside? Where do I go from here? How do I make things better? 

I guess I need to sit down and really consider the reasons why I am doing what I am doing-- teaching, photography, blogging, etc. Am I doing it for ME, or am I doing it for the approval of others? If it was for me, then it wouldn't matter what anyone else thought (or didn't think, which tends to hurt just as much). I have somehow lost my way and am hoping to find my way back soon.

In the meantime, I bought a laminator. It helps a little.

Freezer Meal Cooking

This was my original draft of this post from a week or so ago. I have provided an update after the first round of Freezer Meal Cooking at the bottom. 

I am absolutely HORRIBLE at meal planning. In fact, I HATE IT with a passion. I hate sitting down and trying to predict what is going to sound good for the week, and I hate going to the grocery store. In a nutshell, I would rather go out to eat 3 meals a day, 7 days a week. The kicker is that we can't afford that lifestyle, it's not healthy, and I'm actually a pretty damn good cook. So, I have decided to take a different approach.

We spend roughly $200-275 a month on groceries. We typically do two really "big trips" of about $100 each, and then the incidental trips to pick up a few things at $20 per trip add up over the month. My goal is to try and cut that monthly bill in half. If we could get away with a whole month's of groceries for $100-$150, I would be very, very happy. Not only would we be able to put that money to better use, but we also wouldn't feel like the grocery store robbed us.

Enter Freezer Meal Cooking! I have read about this phenomenon where people spend one whole day a month cooking meals that they can freeze for the entire month. This means you have one huge shopping trip to buy supplies, one day of a really messy kitchen, and then you are left with a month's worth of meals that you can reheat and eat. I have done some research on what will freeze well and for how long, and thankfully a lot of our favorite recipes from The Pioneer Woman and Pinterest are totally freezable. There are also a lot of really great ideas on the Internet for new recipes.

My goal for this month is to create 24 meals. This means that we will have 6 meals per week that are homemade and premade, which leaves one night per week that we can go out and have a date with our extra money we are saving! So, is it possible to buy supplies for 24 meals on $100...that is yet to be determined, but I would think that planning things out and thinking ahead will help in the money saving department.

Here is my tentative plan for this month's meals.

1. Pioneer Woman's Mac & Cheese (1 recipe will make 2 meals)
2. Pioneer Woman's Meatloaf (1 recipe will make 2 meals)
3. Taco Stuffed Pasta Shells (1 recipe will make 2 meals)
4. Pizza Casserole (1 recipe will make 2 meals)
5. Corn, Black Bean, and Beef Empanadas (1 recipe will make 2 meals)
6. Pancakes (for breakfast-for-dinner)
7. Pizza Stuffed Pretzels
8. Coconut Crusted Chicken Breasts (make enough for 2 meals)
Need more...??

For extra fun, I am going to make 4 Pioneer Woman Pie Crusts and a batch of PW Cinnamon Rolls.
I have my work cut out for me!

UPDATE:

On Sunday, we sat down and created our grocery list for the day-o-cooking. We decided to go to Aldi first and see what we could find, and then we went to Meijer to finish up the rest of the groceries. All told, we ended up spending roughly $120, which would get us about 12 freezer meals and then our general day to day groceries for breakfast and lunch. I am not a couponer (I wish I was), but maybe since I am planning ahead more, I can start to look for coupons to save us even more money.

We did all the recipes as planned above except for #6-7, and I haven't had time to do the PW pie crusts and cinnamon rolls. I am reasonably sure I have all the baking ingredients for those items on hand.

Anywho-- Monday was the day for the cooking. When Noelle fell asleep, I got to work. I started boiling all the pasta and defrosting/browning meat. I did the meat loaves first since they took the most time in the oven, and then I just went from there...preparing and assembling. It was confusing to know which things needed to be baked, then frozen, and which things were just frozen and not baked. Everything looked really yummy when I was making it, but I decided to hold my breath until I actually started using the meals.

For storage, we bought the aluminum throw-away baking pans. For the casseroles and meat loaves, I wrapped plastic wrap tightly around the food (pressing it down onto the food), and then I added foil to the tops and crunched it down tightly around the rim of the pans. I wrote on the tops what the dish was, when it was made, and some brief instructions like baking temp and time and anything that needs to be done to it. I then cautiously put the items in the freezer and hoped for the best (and no freezer burn)!

Today is Thursday, and this was the first day we used a freezer meal. It worked out great because Luke was on call and I had a photo session, so it was unknown as to how much time we would have for dinner and if Luke would even be home in the first place. So, I set one of the pizza casseroles out in the fridge today to thaw. I put it in the oven to heat it up for about 15 minutes.

The result was really great! I only noticed mild crunchiness of the noodle edges on the top of the pan, and I think that's because I messed up when I baked it originally and didn't cover it so the noodles might have cooked too long in the first place. However, it was only one or two bites where I got a "crunch" and the rest was melty, cheesy, saucy goodness.

For this pizza casserole recipe, for my own notes, I am documenting that next time I will still use 1 bag of egg noodles, but I will use double the meat (I only used 1#) & double the sauce (need 2 jars). I like a lot of flavor, so I will add some italian seasoning to the meat maybe or just sprinkle it in when I am preparing the dish. This original recipe was supposed to be a layered dish, but I decided to just mix it all  together before I baked it to evenly distribute all of the sauce, meat, cheese, and noodles.

Overall, the first meal was a success! Luke really liked it and so did Noelle. The best part was that the clean up was 2 dishes, 2 forks, and an aluminum pan to throw away. It was magical. I am excited to add more recipes to the freezer and shoot for a whole month's worth of meals.

Here is the link to the original Pizza Casserole recipe:
Pizza Casserole by The Dinner Time Divas

Oh, Baby!

I was full of nerves and jitters and anxiety as the ultrasound technician turned on the machine and put the gloop on my belly. Of course we were excited to know if we were having a baby girl or boy, but we were really just wanting to be reassured that this baby was healthy.

Thankfully, the baby is very, healthy, and she's really cute!

Yes, we are having another little girl! Luke thought that the baby was a boy but was only fooled by the umbilical cord. :-) The ultrasound technician, who was the same one we had when we had Noelle's ultrasound, said she was absolutely sure we were having a girl!

I was so excited...we both were. We wanted a girl for Noelle and were ready to pull those bins of clothes down out of the attic. We told our families that night at our house and everyone was overjoyed.

Now that it has hit me that we are having another baby girl, my mind is just swirling with thoughts of names, clothes, and the sweetness of seeing Noelle and her sister together. It will truly be a joy to watch them grow up. I hope they are close and happy and loving to each other.

As far as names-- we were about 100% sold on Charlotte...but then it felt like we overused it and now aren't too sure. We also like Isla, and I like Hadley. Luke doesn't like that name though, so it probably won't fly. He likes Isla though, so we will see. I don't want to for sure say what the name is right now...still have 20 weeks to go, and I don't want to start getting monogrammed blankets and then decide I don't like it anymore. I want something feminine, sweet, and something that makes you say, "What a pretty name!" just like people do with Noelle.

For now, though, we are relishing in the joy of knowing that in just a few months, we will be parents to the two most adorable girls on the planet, and that makes us so happy.

Summer Break, Week 1

Well, it has been a full week (and a couple days) since I walked out of my school on the last teacher work day. Of course, I have plans to return rather soon to get started on work for next school year, but for this week, I stayed away. Here's a summary of what was accomplished in my first week of summer vacation.

1. We enjoyed a cookout at Allison & Chris's house. Noelle swam without a swim diaper in their baby pool, and boy did we get to see what a diaper can actually hold! HOLY COW!

2. We spent a couple days at Seth & Liz's with the boys and shopped at Edinburgh.

3. Noelle and I drove to Greenfield on Tuesday morning to spend the day with Joyce while Abe & E were at work. It was a really great experiment with being a mother of two! There were only a couple times where I thought..."How am I going to do this!?" Noelle and Joyce both are really well-behaved, happy girls, so that made it easier. I even put both of them in the car to run an errand and get lunch, and it was great!

4. I tried, and failed, at potty training Noelle. Wednesday was one of the worst days of motherhood that I have experienced. Really, none of it was Noelle's fault, and I only have myself to blame because I sincerely feel she wasn't ready to try it yet. She wasn't successful, went through 10 pairs of underwear, and desperately wanted a fruit snack (her reward for using the potty) but never got one. I found myself crying intermittently (over POTTY TRAINING FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!), and poor Noelle was so moody and upset for most of the day. After two accidents first thing in the morning on Thursday, I waved the white flag and threw the diaper back on. She was happy and so was I, and for now, that's all I care about.

5. Noelle and I spent an entire day in our PJs, and it was awesome. It was unseasonably chilly on Friday, so we enjoyed the excuse to stay inside and I cleaned our master bedroom and bathroom for SIX hours. The bathroom was disgusting and needed a ton of cleaning. Our bedroom had mountains of laundry to be done and to be put away, so I went to work while Noelle napped and continued it throughout the day. It wasn't the most fun I've ever had, but I felt really accomplished once it was all done. Now to keep it that way...

6. We bought paint and began painting the playroom/sunroom. I say "we," but Luke has done 100% of the work. I took the switch plates off. Woohoo! It will be done soon! I can't wait to start Pinteresting the crap out of that room...

7. I have begun a teacher blog and am really excited to join the world of teacher blogging. I have been obsessed with finding new ideas for school and have been really, really motivated. Who says teachers don't work during the summers?

Well, I would say that was a pretty good start to my summer break! It's nice to look back and realize that I was a lot more productive than I thought I would be! I would like to get to Zumba this week at least once or twice, but we have a busy week coming up with our ULTRASOUND, a couple photo sessions, and some other fun activities. Score!

Adventures in Potty Training

I am going to be starting Potty Training Bootcamp with Noelle tomorrow! I am extremely nervous about this...and I think what makes me most nervous is that I can't leave the house for 3 days while we are in "bootcamp." Luke is on call tomorrow until 10, too, so that means we will be in the house allllllllll day. I get cabin fever really easily, but I think this is a sacrifice I can handle, especially if Noelle is successful.

I am stocked up on fruit snacks to use as rewards as well as small toys to help keep her motivated and rewarded for a job well-done. We have Dora underwear and I am ready to clean up pee all day. Well, I don't know if "ready" is the word, but I am preparing myself to do it.

I will be sure to document the trials and triumphs of this process because I know that you are just dying to know how it turns out. Hopefully, by the end of this week, we will have a potty trained little girl on our hands! Crazy!

Summer love!

Well, so far, the first few days of summer vacation have been great! Friday was my first official day of being home with Noelle, and it was just great. We had a lot of fun together and it was so nice to just enjoy her by myself. Luke got to come home a little early, and I even got to go to a Zumba class that wasn't horrible...so I think that was a victory.

Saturday morning, Luke went to help a friend move in Indy, so Noelle and I decided to go to Concannon's and eat some donut holes for breakfast. They were so yummy, and watching my baby girl's face light up as she eats a little treat is just so fun. Noelle was in such a good mood that we even got to make a trip to Goodwill (no success) and the grocery store before she took her nap.

Saturday evening was a cookout at Allison's house. Noelle had fun playing in a baby pool with some other kids and we enjoyed talking to our friends. Despite the sweltering heat, we all managed to have a good time. It was so nice to just relax and enjoy company.

Sunday, we got up and headed "down South" to spend the afternoon/evening with Seth & Liz & the boys and the rest of Luke's family at a graduation open house for one of his cousins. We hadn't been to New Albany has a family unit since Christmas, and we had a really great time. We stopped at the Edinburgh outlets on the way and Luke let me pick out some maternity clothes! The Loft outlet store is so awesome. I could have bought everything there! Noelle was so enjoyable and had a great time shopping with us.

Once we arrived at Seth & Liz's, Noelle quickly changed into her swimsuit to swim in the baby pool with the boys. She absolutely LOVES her cousins-- oh my goodness. She follows them around and plays with them so well, and they are so loving to her. She had some of her cutest moments this weekend with her cousins. She was chasing fireflies with them in the near dark in just her diaper and her PJ shirt, and she ended up sleeping in bed with Solomon all night, which was just so sweet. We had a great time and are so thankful for great family.

We made the 3 hour drive back today and were very tired. By 7:30, Noelle was definitely ready for bed, and my eyes are closing as I type. This week will begin the potty training bootcamp! Oh boy....I'm really scared. I know she will do well, but I think I am having a hard time letting go of my "baby." Giving up the paci made her look like such a big girl, but without diapers...? She basically isn't going to be a baby at all anymore! But...I will have a new baby to put diapers on a few months, and if we can go until then without buying diapers, then that is a good thing!

Overall, summer vacation has started off wonderfully, and I am going to enjoy each and every day.