((August 11, 2008)) In one second, life changed.
We had dinner at Bravo to celebrate the first day of the school year. I was tired, but that was nothing new. I was sitting on the couch working on some school things, and a wave of grossness washed over me....something was definitely weird and different.
I thought maybe I was just crumbling under the stress of the new year...or that maybe my Bravo was not sitting well in my stomach. However, for some reason, I felt compelled to just make sure...
This split-second decision led me to the bathroom...digging out a reserve prego test from somewhere in the depths of my cabinet. I had done this before, thinking for sure "I was," and seeing absolutely nothing in the little window....so that was what I was expecting.
Not this time. Almost instantly, two pink lines made an appearance, and I was in such shock I dropped the thing on the floor. Afraid that I "shook it up" like a piece of sand art, I picked it up quickly and checked to see if it was actually true. I was by myself (Luke was studying on the other end of the hall), and said, "What....WHAT?"
I froze for a second, unable to process the information. Was this true? One line was fainter than the other...so maybe it wasn't real? In my mind, all these thoughts raced by, competing for attention. My most immediate one was that I needed to get Luke. I haven't done anything big in my life or had any moment worth speaking of without him by myself. With one quick jog to the end of the house, all my plans for a cute "baby reveal" like you see in movies went out the door. I didn't care...I needed him. I was, indeed, scared.
"Luke...you need to get out here..." He was enthralled in some med school blah blah blah and was hesitant to come out at first. His original thought was that a cat had done something strange. Behind my back, he knew what I was holding....and my face said it all. I showed him the stick of destiny as I clinched my eyes shut. When I opened them, his face was frozen in a half-scared, half-happy face. He was really confused, given that he had just seen me typing away on my computer not 5 minutes earlier...
We sat...and froze....for a while. We re-read the little thingy that came with the stick of destiny...and sure enough, it seemed as though the test was honest and true. Luke's idea was to get another one so we could make sure. So, we piled in to the car and went to our favorite store, Meijer. One more test later, and it was positive...literally.
The second test wasn't as scary as the first. We kind of knew what was coming. And according to calculations, something (or shall I say, someone) is coming around April 18...and right now (at 5 weeks), she's the size of a raisin.
Hindsight is 20/20. Last night, we put lots of pieces together over the last month...all of them leading up to this fact that God had chosen us to be parents, and He has been preparing us, giving us subtle clues (that we were not picking up on quick enough) until he just had to drop a stick of destiny in our laps.
For example, Luke and I just celebrated last weekend our 5 year class reunion. One of my friends, Candace, let it slip that she was pregnant. She just found out. I have another friend, Megan, who is pregnant. Liz is also pregnant....and Luke told me last night that for some reason, in the back of his mind, all the news of the other pregnancies planted some kind of idea in his head that I could be pregnant, too, and I would just have some prego friends to share the ride with. Liz is due January. Megan is due February. Candace is due March. I am due April.
Next one...Luke traded in his sporty 2-door Monte Carlo for a 4-door Malibu. We wanted a family car and deemed the Monte Carlo inoperable for a car seat...you know...for the future.
With all the talk about Candace's baby, the convo definitely centered on us by the end of the reunion (shamefully at a bar...I took the raisin to a bar...but I didn't know!). One of our friends, Nick, told us that when we had kids, he would have to settle down and have kids, too, because he saw us as the example for grown-up life, and he would need to follow suit. Well, Nick, find yourself a nice girl....
Luke's good friend Joey left for the Marshall Islands a few weeks ago. We went out to a bar (ahhhh, another!) to wish him off, and he informed us he won't be back until June. We joked and said that we could have an entire pregnancy and baby and he wouldn't even know (because there is no communication to the Marshall Islands). I can't wait to see the look on his face!
Lastly, I never buy raisins. Ever. But last time I was at Meijer, I had a bag of little boxes of raisins in my cart. I put them back, but I thought about them. I also had a loaf of cinnamon raisin bread. I put that back, too. Coincidence? I think not.
I hardly slept at all last night. There's a lot to think about...a lot to worry about....a lot to process...and that is why we will be taking our time in telling the world...I haven't been to the doctor yet (I haven't even had the time to call!), but once we know it's official and all is well...we will be shouting from the rooftops that we, Ashley & Luke Ernstberger, will be parents.
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