Principles 1 & 2 revealed

The last two weeks have been hard, for some unspoken reason. I can't put my finger on it, but as time goes by, I find myself asking more questions than receiving answers. I have talked about this in the Principle 1 & Principle 2 posts (referring to the book I am reading called God Will Make a Way). 

Anyway, I have said many prayers in the last several days. Usually, I am saying these on the treadmill at the gym (and no, not just the "please God let this be over soon!" prayer that people tend to think when they are dying of exhaustion!), in the shower, or before I go to bed. My hour long commute each way to school also helps give me some time to think (which can be good or bad). 

Mainly, I have wanted to make sure God knows that I really am ready to listen and believe that God is in our sorrow...and God will pull us through. In my Principle 2 post, I expressed worry about how to find the people who were supposed to travel this "journey" of healing and discovery with us, and I guess last night God delivered and opened a conversation between Abe & Elizabeth (on our way back to Indy from Bloomington at midnight!) and Luke and myself that we have never been able to have before.

With the recent news of more friends having children of their own, Elizabeth genuinely asked both Luke and myself how we were doing with it. I could tell she was referring to how we really felt deep down, and she wasn't really wanting a "OH we are SO excited for everyone" answer (which, in my heart, I am excited and wish my friends nothing but the best). Luke and I were both able to express our still-present feelings of sadness, jealousy, abandonment, etc. 

Abe & E filled us with a lot of sincere words of wisdom and encouragement, encouraging us to speak more openly about our feelings, seek more spiritual enlightenment and understanding, and to take the time to truly heal from this. 

Abe asked if we ever named the baby. The answer is no. This made me sad....but I guess I have never known how to do that...how do I name a baby I never met, never even saw on a grainy ultrasound? How do I name a baby who had no gender or personality? But then again...how do I NOT name a baby...who was mine? What kind of a "mother" is that.... ? 

Basically, the point to this post was to put in black in white that I do feel like maybe God spoke to us last night through Abe & E...who were meant to be some of the people who will see us through this. 

I think one of the most profound comments Abe made was saying that we definitely have a choice right now....a choice to turn our backs on our faith or a choice to really embrace it and let it develop...we have spent a lot of time feeling sorry for ourselves and ultimately we know that we need to choose to make a change for the positive. 

In other news...we had such a wonderful time with Ken & Jenna in Bloomington. We enjoyed a great Italian restaurant that we had never eaten at during the 4 years Luke was at IU, and we had a lot of fun reliving some funny/embarrassing high school memories. They are right where they need to be...expecting a baby and getting ready to close on their first house. They deserve it!