Sunday, November 22, 2009

Two Steps Forward...

...three steps back.

Do you ever really feel like you are making progress, and then you do something/say something to send you back a ways? That's me....a lot. It takes some balls to own up to this, and that is also part of my maturation process. Admitting when I screwed up.

Luke and I have some heated conversations at times, and they usually always center around one topic. Not revealing what this topic is, I can tell you that is something we will probably always disagree about. I can't get him to see my way, and he can't get me to understand his. This is a major flaw within us both...difference is, he doesn't have a blog to confess his wrong-doings to.

Anyway-- I wish I could see myself getting angry and just walk away. But I always want to hang in there for the fight. I want to let me voice be heard, my point to be taken. I want to win the argument. I want to be told, "You're right."

This never happens. Luke is as stubborn as me. I never get what I want out of this, but I continue to try anyway.

Why can't I just drop it?

Blah.

I still have my adult training wheels on.

On the flip side, I had a great night last night with a group of girlfriends. I am thankful for them in my life!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Ahhhhhh!

I seriously canNOT wait for our little one to get here! These next 17 weeks better go by quickly!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Milestones

I have hit a lot of milestones here lately.

I have gained a new perspective thanks to advice I have been receiving from someone who really knows what she's talking about.

I am learning ways to cope and manage my stress so that it cannot penetrate my daily life.

I am accepting that I am not perfect. I am me. I will live my life in truth.

My faith, which I was beginning to think was fading away, has made itself an ever-present force lately-- and I have proof of its power.

I installed a digital converter box and antenna to an old TV all by myself.

I let Luke make pork tenderloin for dinner, and it was really good.

I have been growing a baby for 22 weeks now.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

21 Weeks and...


...I threw up for the first time during this pregnancy!

I don't know the exact reason, but I know that I took my prenatal vitamins, DHA supplement, and my Tamiflu this morning, which I usually don't do because I typically take them at night (but I forgot last night when I got in at 2:30 a.m. from Kelley's wedding in Chicago!). Almost within minutes, I started feeling really yucky.

Luke was going to take me out in the car and maybe get some food or some fresh air, and the motion sent me over the edge and I demanded he turn the car around and take me back to the house. I ran (yes, I ran!) to the bathroom and thankfully made the toilet as I "tossed my cookies" for the first time in 21 weeks.

I cried because, of course, I HATE getting sick. It is just the worst feeling ever...and then my hormones took over and I cried more because all I wanted to do was do what's right for the baby (by taking the vitamins)...but then I got over it, ate some crackers, and I am fine.

I am sooooo thankful I haven't had to deal with morning sickness or nausea. SO thankful!

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Trip to ER

It sounds worse than what it was, but I found myself in the Community North ER on my Friday night last night. After feeling lethargic and sweaty and achy all day at school, I got home and felt worse. I had a sore neck, sore throat, swollen glands in my neck, and the worst headache I have had in a while. Luke's little warning light went off and said we should go to an urgent care facility.

We went to MedCheck by our hospital and they got a few vitals on me and then decided that I should go to the ER. With the stiffness in my neck, they were wanting to rule out meningitis. Of course, the lovely H1N1 is also going around, so that was a concern as well.

We headed to the ER thinking that we would have a 3 hour wait at 9:00 on a Friday night. There were several people in there waiting already, but we managed to see the triage nurse really quickly. Being pregnant, they made me wear a pretty fancy mask over my face :-), which I think made them move a little faster.

I was put in a room and seen by a doctor in a matter of minutes. The doctor came in and quickly ruled out meningitis, but he said that they are no longer testing for the flu because of the inaccuracy of the tests (apparently only a 40% accuracy rate?). Since I had some flu symptoms, they decided to treat me as if I had H1N1 and prescribe Tamiflu. Luke and I were both happy with this, as Luke has told me that not very many people with H1N1 were even being treated with Tamiflu in the hospital, that they were just told to drink Gatorade and rest.

The doctor did say that I needed to lay low, stay down, and rest. HA! He also said that if I had a fever, I shouldn't go back to school until I was fever free for 24 hours. This put me into worry mode because I have a sorority sister/friend's wedding in Chicago today, and not only could I not stand the thought of missing it, we also had a hotel reservation and other friends riding with us to consider. We thought about it and decided that we shouldn't stay the night in Chicago, and we should go for the wedding and as long as we can make it to the reception and then head back that night. This way I could sleep in my own bed and sleep in on Sunday without worrying that we had to get up early and head home. We were able to cancel the reservation with no penalty (thank GOODNESS!), and we will still be able to see beautiful Kelley get married (double thank GOODNESS!).

I am more exhausted than I have ever been. I have been falling asleep before 9 on most nights (except Thursday for Grey's!), but when I wake up in the morning, I still feel like a walking zombie. Pregnancy combined with illness is not a good mix...and I just need the time to be able to recover. Hmm...maybe next weekend?

Anyway-- I am going to just fine, and we dopplered the baby last night because he/she is not moving hard enough to let me feel it (boo!), so I was worried and I wanted to hear for myself that he/she is OK. We got the heartbeat at around 145 bpm, so from our perspective, the baby is just fine, too.

In similar thoughts, I think it is LAUGHABLE that the health departments can administer huge, massive H1N1 vaccinations in malls, but yet not give supplies to enough OB offices to vaccinate their pregnant women, who are in the highest risk category. I called four different places, including my own doctor's office, someone else's doctor's office, and both the Marion Co. and Delaware Co. health departments, and I was told my doctor didn't have it yet, that the other doctor had it but couldn't give it to me since I am not their patient, Marion Co. didn't answer, and Delaware Co. is doing a "clinic" at the fairgrounds on Tuesday. I can call for an appointment Monday. Looks like this is my best bet. Again...laughable.

But hey, if we can't laugh, we'll cry, right?!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

1/2 Way There!


I am 20 weeks this week! This means that I am halfway through the pregnancy. I am not wishing it away though. I know I miss this when it is over. I have been told that by every new mommy. They love their babies, but they miss their bellies (well, their pregnant bellies...I know I will continue to have a belly for a little while after, but it's not the same :-).

Not much to add. There's some stress at school which has caused me to question everything. Ev-er-y-thing. It's a lot of pressure to be a soon-to-mommy, bread-winner, med school wife. I just want to do the right thing for everyone.

I am trying to rely on faith and the encouraging words of others as I prepare to make some tough decisions in the months ahead. This is only the beginning, I know, of the tough decisions...and I know that through it all I must keep my priorities in line and listen to those who have my best interest at heart.

Ambiguously vague enough for ya?

Anyway-- take care, whoever you are, wherever you are.

P.S. Happy Halloween from Juno and Paulie Bleeker.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Striping (not stripping)

Last weekend, I was begging Luke for a "project." He has been busy planning and making a baby bassinet. We have already painted the baby's room, and without knowing the sex, I can't do too much else creative. I am wanting to do some art for the walls, but I don't know what yet. So...I started Googling nurseries and I found a lot of pictures of stripes.

I decided stripes would be my project. Luke agreed, and we went to Lowe's last Saturday and picked out three colors of paint. I loved the names. Gingerbread (an orange color), Harvest Earth, and (my favorite!) December Starlight. We already had the green background, so that makes four gender neutral colors that fit well with both of the nursery bedding sets we have.

I began taping the stripes around 10 a.m. It wasn't until after midnight when we finally could call it quits, and we still one more color to paint! It was a long and tedious job. I wanted to be really exact with the stripes...I didn't want crooked lines or sloppy paint, so I was really careful. I enjoyed doing something so time-consuming for the baby, though.

The next morning, I painted the brown color...and then waited for it to dry. We literally held our breath for 10 minutes while we peeled off the tape. I was scared that it would look awful and we would have to redo the whole thing!

But, to our surprise, it looks AMAZING! The pictures don't even do it justice. I just love it. It is modern and fun and not too crazy but definitely unique. I am very excited to get it all put together with artwork, accessories, and other fun items.

Take a look!

Taping the stripes for the first color
December Starlight
Adding the Gingerbread (we put sparkle dust in the orange, so it looks extra special)
Harvest Earth
Finished product!