Sunday, October 16, 2011

Sweet joy

As I sit here and enjoy the last hour or so of my weekend, I find myself smiling. I'm alone. Noelle's alseep. Luke was home but was called to the hospital because someone else needs him. I've never been good at sharing, but I'm learning.

I made the comment today that we need to take more pictures of Noelle. When she was younger, I was snapping photos all the time, but as she has gotten older, I've found that my camera battery is dead more often than not and I am lacking the motivation to charge it.

I know I should be documenting every second of our days together, but I think the reason why I'm not reaching for my camera as much is I am enjoying truly experiencing each memory with her, and not from behind a camera. I'm enjoying every interaction...every laugh...every word...every everything. I'm making pictures in my mind more vivid than I could ever take.

She's more than what I asked God for. There's a palpable sweetness to her that even strangers can feel. An angel on Earth...and I can't believe she's mine...ours...mine. She's growing so quickly and changing so rapidly. Tonight, she counted to 7.

When she says "Mama," it's like it comes from the bottom of her it's the only word she needs to know for the rest of her life. She hugs with her whole body and kisses with her whole face. Even when she cries, I find her insanely cute.

She walks on her tippy toes. She laughs when we laugh. She dives to the floor on the last verse of "Ring Around the Rosie," and it might as well be Christmas morning when we turn on Yo Gabba Gabba.

She's pure, simple, sweet joy.

And she's mine.


Thursday, October 13, 2011

Got the fever

I have started and quit this post about 3 or 4 times now. I just don't know how to say what I want to I guess I will just say it.

I want to have another baby!


I think it's been so hard to write it because I'm worried I'll get unsolicited opinions. I don't want to hear about how having a 2 year old and a newborn is hard. I don't want to hear about how it's expensive. I don't want to hear about how I'll have 2 in diapers and 2 in daycare and 2 extra mouths to feed. The chaos we will experience will truly only be such a short time in our lives compared to the lifetime we will have with our family...our complete family, the way we have always wanted.

Noelle is so perfect and amazing and sweet and smart and beautiful. Why wouldn't we want another one? I would think it would be the terror child that never sleeps and is allergic to everything on Earth and causes you to go prematurely gray that would convince you that one child is enough...not the other way around.

We want our children to be close in age. Noelle is already 19 months old. I know people who have had their 2nd child by the time their first is 19 months old. I'm not saying that it's the most ideal, but those families seem to be doing just fine and loving their lives and children. a nutshell...Baby #2, where are you? :-)

Saturday, October 1, 2011

The Balancing Act

Long time, no blog.

If you think this one's should see my photography blog. It is sooooo out of date that it's not even funny. I don't think I've written a quality post there since the beginning of the summer. BAH!

I'm struggling with balancing my life right now. If I had a balance (like an actual balance that you, well, balance things on), it would be heavily weighted down by SCHOOL/PHOTOGRAPHY, and the other side floating so high up in the air would be the FRIENDS/FAMILY/EXERCISE/HOBBIES/FUN side.

Ugh. Big, fat UGH.

How do people do it? And by people, I mean the cute little put together moms who always look so polished and refreshed as they beebop out the door to work, and then arrive home just in time to get an amazing dinner started with a bottle of wine on the table just as their hott hubby strolls in and says "Thanks, Babe, you're the BEST!" all before she puts on her yoga pants and sweats it out so she doesn't look like a fat, frumpy mess? I KNOW there are women out there like this, and I just want to BE one of them.

There's got to be something that can be removed from my plate. I think what I am going to have to start doing is leaving school at 4:00 no matter what. I can't keep staying until 5:00 or 5:30. It's not good for my sanity or for Noelle's. I NEED to be able to decompress and have some time in my evening. I NEED to be able to wind down and breathe and relax and enjoy the things I used to enjoy, such as exercising and sewing and crafting and other things.

So, I'm going to do it. I'm leaving at 4:00 and you can't stop me!

As for photography, I am way over-scheduled. I am behind on sessions, and I am putting my foot down that I am no longer scheduling sessions from now until January. I can't. I won't. I need to have a break.

I think I would feel so much better if I had time for some physical activity. I miss Zumba so much and the friends I made there over the course of 2 1/2 years. I enjoyed that outlet a lot and I have been hesitant to try it in Muncie because I know it won't be as good as Fishers. I know this because the instructor in Fishers is DA.BOMB and that's all there is to it. So I am being a Bitter Betty about it and am digging my heels in. As a result? I'm getting fatter. By the DAY!

The joys!

I wish I could write a non-whiny post. But I can't. I tried. Didn't work.

So, here I sit. Saturday night. Luke's on call. I am about to embark on an editing extravaganza to end all editing extravaganzas. Don't you wish you were me?