Playing Catch-Up

I can't believe it has been over a month since I last posted. I used to be so devoted to keeping this blog updated, and I used to really love reading blogs. I still do, but I get so overwhelmed when I start that I usually just go to Facebook. It's a really exciting life I live.

Let's see, what's new with me? I am currently attempting to save the world, one student at a time. I think the school year has started off well, but I am completely distraught over the fact that I don't have a maternity leave substitute yet, and I don't have all of the information ready to give to my "maternity leave sub." I want to put together a binder of all the important things he/she needs to know while I am gone for 12 weeks, but I haven't had time to do that yet.

I suppose I feel a sense of urgency because at my 32 week appointment last week, I basically had to convince the nurse practitioner (I didn't get to see my doc because she was already scheduled full) to check me to see if I was dilating (which is a really gruesome word and I hate using it) yet. I have been feeling nonstop pressure down low and a lot of contractions, so I was just curious. I was having flashbacks of my pregnancy with Noelle when I was 7 cm dilated at 38 weeks and 2 days later they induced me. So, she checked me, only to find that I was already 3 cm....yes, at 32 weeks. Of course it is too early, and it's not even anything to get excited about because if the baby is trying to come early, she is WAYYYY too early.

I go back to the doctor on Tuesday of next week, and I'm wondering if she will check me again. I am also wondering if I will have progressed further. My biggest "wonder" is what she will tell me if I am progressing. Will she tell me I need to go on bed rest? Will she give me some sort of medicine to helps stop contractions? Will she let me be and just tell me to wait it out? I don't know...but I am nervous and oh-so-thankful that Luke can come with me this time. The last time, after the 3 cm scare, I was put on the fetal monitor for about 20 minutes. I was all alone and scared and nervous and going through all of the "what ifs" in my head.

So, all of those things aside, I am really, really excited for this weekend. Saturday is going to be "Baby Preparedness Day." Luke is finally off on a Saturday and we have planned for this day to be the one when we pack hospital bags, bring down baby gear from the attic, get the nursery all ready to go, wash bedding and blankets, and do all of the things we have neglected to do for the past 8 months.

Then...Sunday marks my final (LAST ONE!!!!!!!) photo session before my leave begins. I never thought this day would come. Honestly, I love my photography business and am SOOOOOO thankful for all my clients, but I am so ready for a big ol' break. I haven't set a return date yet, but it will probably be Feb/March of 2013, provided we survive the apocalypse. I am so excited for all the free weekends I will have. It's going to be amazing!!!!

It's now 8:30 and I am ready for bed! Tired doesn't begin to describe how I feel right now. Even Noelle passed out an hour earlier than normal. I think that's a sign that I should, too.

Summer love!

Well, so far, the first few days of summer vacation have been great! Friday was my first official day of being home with Noelle, and it was just great. We had a lot of fun together and it was so nice to just enjoy her by myself. Luke got to come home a little early, and I even got to go to a Zumba class that wasn't horrible...so I think that was a victory.

Saturday morning, Luke went to help a friend move in Indy, so Noelle and I decided to go to Concannon's and eat some donut holes for breakfast. They were so yummy, and watching my baby girl's face light up as she eats a little treat is just so fun. Noelle was in such a good mood that we even got to make a trip to Goodwill (no success) and the grocery store before she took her nap.

Saturday evening was a cookout at Allison's house. Noelle had fun playing in a baby pool with some other kids and we enjoyed talking to our friends. Despite the sweltering heat, we all managed to have a good time. It was so nice to just relax and enjoy company.

Sunday, we got up and headed "down South" to spend the afternoon/evening with Seth & Liz & the boys and the rest of Luke's family at a graduation open house for one of his cousins. We hadn't been to New Albany has a family unit since Christmas, and we had a really great time. We stopped at the Edinburgh outlets on the way and Luke let me pick out some maternity clothes! The Loft outlet store is so awesome. I could have bought everything there! Noelle was so enjoyable and had a great time shopping with us.

Once we arrived at Seth & Liz's, Noelle quickly changed into her swimsuit to swim in the baby pool with the boys. She absolutely LOVES her cousins-- oh my goodness. She follows them around and plays with them so well, and they are so loving to her. She had some of her cutest moments this weekend with her cousins. She was chasing fireflies with them in the near dark in just her diaper and her PJ shirt, and she ended up sleeping in bed with Solomon all night, which was just so sweet. We had a great time and are so thankful for great family.

We made the 3 hour drive back today and were very tired. By 7:30, Noelle was definitely ready for bed, and my eyes are closing as I type. This week will begin the potty training bootcamp! Oh boy....I'm really scared. I know she will do well, but I think I am having a hard time letting go of my "baby." Giving up the paci made her look like such a big girl, but without diapers...? She basically isn't going to be a baby at all anymore! But...I will have a new baby to put diapers on a few months, and if we can go until then without buying diapers, then that is a good thing!

Overall, summer vacation has started off wonderfully, and I am going to enjoy each and every day.

Squeeeaaaal

Hi Blog Friends!

I would like to squeal with unbridled excitement because...

I am getting a new camera! Well, it's a new, used camera! But it's new to me! And barely used! In fact, so barely used that it has only taken 6,000 photos. To put it in lay terms-- I take 1,000 photos in a session. So, basically this person did 6 sessions and called it a day.

And now it's MINE!

And now I'm POOR!

But it's MINE!

Luke was so kind to let me just dive in head first to an eBay auction that was too good to pass up! Not only do I get the camera, which if you want to hear the nerd talk, it's a 21 mega pixel Canon 5D Mk II...but I also get an extra batter, two wireless remotes, and some other fancy upgrades with all the original manuals, cords, and software.

I am sooo excited! This is perfect timing because I have plenty of summer sessions as well as my real life to photograph, and I am just dying to step my game up in the photography process. I'm so happy!

In other just as important news... three weeks from tomorrow, WE FIND OUT IF THE BABY IS A BOY OR A GIRL! :-)

OK... I'm done spreading my rainbow fairy dust and giggle powder throughout the Interwebs...for now.

Blog Neglect

I don't know why I have been so neglectful of my blog these past few months. It makes me sad because I haven't been great about documenting the things that make our lives what they are. We go places. We do things. We see people. We spend time together. We take pictures. I promise, we do! I don't know why I can't just open up the computer and write it down, and I have a feeling I will regret it in the future.

So...I suppose I will start with the biggest update for our family! Abe & E had their baby! Baby J is, as I always a knew, a girl! Baby J, now Baby Joyce, was born on Friday morning. Elizabeth was of course a rock star and delivered her without an epidural. We headed to Greenfield after a chilly photo session for me on Friday night and got to hold her and spend time with the new parents! :-) We are so happy for Abel and E and know that they will be the best parents. I definitely took tons of pictures, and I can't wait to upload them.

Luke has been busy with residency, but not so busy that we don't see each other. In fact, I'd say we have been blessed by this residency program and have had to make very minimal adjustments to our lives as a result of it. Of course, I hate the call evenings, and I hate the times that he thinks he will leave at 4:30 and then actually leaves at 6:00, but we so fortunate that he loves the program and loves what he does every day.

Noelle is awesome as usual. We have been doing some fun Christmas activities lately such as picking out our tree and decorating it, and then also taking her to the Minnetrista Luminaria walk last night. She was pumped to see horses and lights and hear Christmas music. Everything is so fun and magical through Noelle's eyes. She makes each day brighter and happier.

As for me-- I am finally getting a grip on school, and I feel like I am enjoying it again. There are always ups and downs for a teacher, but right now, I have had a string of really good days and I am hoping to keep up the positive energy.

It's a rainy, dreary day, Noelle is napping, and I have my sweats on. I'm going to lay down and capitalize on this little slice of Heaven!

A little Uppy Date

Oh...where to begin? The past few weeks have gone by really quickly, and I am completely shocked that we are looking at the first week of November being over already. Where does the time go? And is there another phrase that basically means "Holy Shit, I'm getting older by the second and my baby isn't a baby anymore?" aside from the cliched "Where does the time go?" If you know of one, let me hear it.

Since my last post, I had Fall Break, which is a nice (and welcomed) break from school. Though I still love teaching and know that there's nothing else that I can see myself doing as a professional, it has been kicking. my. ass. this year. It has left me with very little time to do anything that I sincerely want to do, and thus my blogging, crafting, cooking, organizing, cleaning, exercising, and overall cleanliness have taken a back seat.

Over Fall Break, we took Noelle to a little pumpkin patch and farm. It was pretty cute. The cutest part was when she exclaimed "OH MY GOODNESS!" when she saw a cow. I about fell over dead from the cuteness overdose. We also took her to the Muncie Children's Museum. It was alright. Not much has changed since the last time I was there, which was when I was like 6. But, it was a lot cheaper and closer to home than the Indy Children's Museum, and when all Noelle really cared about was playing in this little water table, I high-fived myself for not spending the $17 per adult and the 3 hours total in the car to take her to the big museum. Maybe next year.

Halloween, of course, was a highlight. Between Luke's residency party and taking the Nugget trick-or-treating (i.e. to my old neighbors at my parents' house), it was a good time. She was a garden gnome. I'm sure she will hate me later for it, but the costume was a hit.

I'm toying with the idea of starting a new blog for my crafting and cooking expeditions. This one is pretty good for emo-rants and picture updates, but as far as all the other stuff I like to do (when I'm not all "wah wah wah, my life is hard..."), I'd like to have a place to organize it. I could just get a binder...but I think I'll go the blog route. So....be looking for that you loyal readers. ;-)

Thanksgiving is in less than 3 weeks. I didn't know if you knew this, but it's on a Thursday this year.

P.S. The Colts suck.

Greetings from Muncie & the at-home Internet.

Yes, I made it two, long, agonizing weeks without TV or home internet. As of about 11:00 a.m. on Saturday, we were in business and I was a happy camper.

You may be wondering what I have been doing lately. You may not be. Either way, I'm going to tell you.

We have been really trying to get the house put together. I care about it a little more than Luke. In fact, I am straight bothered by things not being put together at this point. We still don't have a kitchen table for the eat-in area. We still haven't touched the sunroom, which desperately needs a paint job as well as a new rug and maybe, oh, some furniture. The dining room just has a table in it. Nothing is hung on the walls. Don't ask about the office. So basically, I'm not too happy with the status of the house right now. Luke has been very busy at the hospital, forcing him to work long hours and then be exhausted when he comes home. He doesn't want to do much on the GET DONE OR ELSE list at the end of the day. I can't say I blame him, but I also don't know how it will ever get done if we don't just gut through it.

I have started school. I will cautiously say, "So far, so good." I feel like a seasoned vet already. It's amazing the difference between my first, first day and my fifth. The kids don't scare me, the parents (rarely) intimidate me, and I feel like I have a good grip on my classroom management, routines, etc. I'm quite pleased with the start of the year. Let's home this optimism continues and that I am still feeling good next month or even next week.

Noelle turned 17 months old last week. It's so hard to believe, and I am so tired of saying that it's so hard to believe! I wish I could keep track of how many words she is saying now. It is truly mystifying. The child hears a word once and then knows it for good. I believe it is true that a child's brain is more susceptible to learning before the age of 3. To say she is a sponge is an understatement. She copies everything we say and do...good and bad. We love her more and more each day, and every time I look at her, I get more excited for the future with her. I'm not wishing this sweet age away, but she truly gets more fun as she gets older. I can't wait until she starts putting words together into sentences and telling funny stories.

Anyway-- I don't know what else to share. I hope to get back into the groove of blogging about actual subject matter, rather than just giving a lame update about what I have been doing lately. I just wish I could print a T-shirt that says, "I'm not normally like this. I just moved, started school, and am trying to please everyone in the world."

I hope the real me returns soon.

Stop looking for me.

I appreciate your concern. I have seen the Missing posters. I'm OK. Really, I am.

It's been about 10 days since I last posted. There are two reasons for this.

1. We have been moving like mo fo's.

2. We have no TV or Internet.

Yes, you read that correctly! I have not had TV or Internet in the full week since we have been in Muncie! The horror! Basically, I had the appointment all set up for them to hook up our U-Verse on Monday, August 1st. I called to do this over two weeks ago. The problem was that the old owners did not disconnect whatever service they were using on time, so there were "conflicts on the board." Therefore, we lost our appointment and I have had to engage in some horrific phone tag between myself and ATT. I have spent hours on the phone with them, trying to get them to see that they need to hook up my TV and Internet soon, OR ELSE. They don't know how crazy I am! Especially after a week without Real Housewives of New Jersey, Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Teen Mom, So You Think You Can Dance, or 48 Hours Mystery. I haven't had Internet aside from my iPhone, so I am overloaded with photography inquiries, online bills to pay, school email to check, and blogs to write!

The first appointment they could get me was going to be August 25th! Seriously! Then they moved it to August 13th, and that was the soonest they could do it. So, we have another week of this ridiculousness. What an awesome way to spend my last days of summer vacation! Ugh.

Aside from that mess, we have moved in and are busy painting, cleaning, and unpacking. The house was supposed to be cleaned by a professional and the carpets were to be cleaned prior to our moving in. Well, let's just say that anyone who paid money for this house to be cleaned was royally screwed over. There's dog fur in every corner and crevice of this home, including IN the washing machine. I have been cleaning and sanitizing like nuts. It's insane how little pride people take in their own homes.

If you take away the cleanliness issue, it really is a beautiful home. It is spacious, updated, and pretty. We are very happy with it and feel relieved to have signed a 3 year lease. It is in a great location and it takes me a whopping 5 minutes to get to Noelle's day care. I am so excited about that! Once we get everything the way we want it, we will really be happy here.

Of course I miss our Indianapolis home and neighbors, but we are settling in here and trying to stay positive. I will be in Indy quite frequently due to photography sessions, so I will be able to visit my regular "spots" pretty often. Our new neighborhood seems like the farm team to the retirement home, as our neighbors are all white-haired. Oh well-- at least it's quiet.

So, that's what I have been doing lately. School starts in 5 days. I can't believe it. I am not ready, but I am also pretty excited about a new school year. It's so much fun to start fresh with new kids. I have a feeling it will be a really great year!

Thanks for checking on me.

Another lame update. Sorry.

I wish I could sit down to write a post that doesn't have to do with moving, but for another week, that's what it's going to have to be. We move Saturday. Sa-tur-day. Saturday. I can't believe it. We are so crazy busy right now with things to do that we can't see straight, but I keep telling myself it will all get done and we will survive.

We have been trying to squeeze some fun in amidst all the chaos. I turned 27 about a week ago, and Luke took his girls out for a very nice dinner to Stone Creek Dining Company, which is a place we had never been before at Hamilton Town Center. It was super awesome food and a great atmosphere. We will definitely be back. As much as I tried to be pretty for the evening, I think Noelle stole the show! She is always such a little attention-getter. Her Papa is going to have a lot of boys to beat off with sticks in about 15 years. Oh boy!

We also celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary. It's (insert really awful cliche...i.e. awesome, amazing, crazy, beautiful) to think that we began this journey four years ago and now here we are! Luke was just starting medical school and I was just beginning my teaching career. We lived in the glorified ghetto of Indy's northwest side, and we knew jack shit about life or anything for that matter. That was one miscarriage and a 16 month old ago. We dreamt of buying a home and moving on to the next "big thing." Now, here we are, preparing to move out of our first home and start another chapter of our lives (I hate that cliche, too).

We celebrated by going to a movie (insert boy band squeal!) and a late dinner. It was fun actually going to dinner when it was dark out (in the summer, no less) like all the important cool people do. We ate at Cooper's Hawk which is an amazing restaurant that again we had never been to before. I am a huge fan of Moscato, and this restaurant had hands down, the BEST Moscato in all the land. Seriously. Better than Olive Garden's. Better than Oliver's. Better than any other brand in the grocery that I have tried. It was soooo good. I am still dreaming about it. We owe Aunt CeCe big time for watching Noelle and taking good care of her while we got our "young and kidless" on.

Let's see...what else is new? Hmmm. I have added Body Pump to my exercise regime. I do it before Zumba, so that is two hours of fitness classes twice per week. I am sure I won't be able to keep this pace up for long, but it has been so fun getting stronger and just completely pumping away my stress. I absolutely love the way working out feels. If only I could get over my love of food and then maybe you could tell that I love working out.

I won't let this lame-oid post be the last one from Indy. I will do something special, I promise. I know you're on the edge of your seats.

Update in short sentences

2 weeks.
2 weeks since my last blog post.
Pathetic.
Lazy.
A healthy combo of both.
Can I at least say that April was my least favorite month of 2011?
I am so happy to see it go and I welcome May with open arms.
May will be quite busy...between 2 weddings, a (med school) graduation, 12 photo shoots, and the end of the school year.
I get tired just thinking about it.
I like writing in short sentences.

Noelle has words now!
Buh = book.
Gog = dog.
Ight = light.
Bewwa = Bella (her stuffed cat)
Uh oh = oh oh.

She also points to her eyeball, hair, ear, and the light when you ask her.

The house situation is disappointing at best.
2 showings.
Negative feedback.
Suck, suck, suck.
Ready to throw in the towel.

Hoping something good happens soon.

Right now...we must celebrate...
for this blog will soon become Mrs. E and the Future MD!

Baby steps

I realize I have been really down on my entries lately, and really the only explanation I have for that is I have been really down in my real life, too. The stress of all that's been going on has really taken a toll, and each day seems to be a struggle to keep it all in perspective and put one foot in front of the other. Nonetheless, I do it...not only because I have to but because I want to, for Noelle, and Luke, and myself. I know, because life experience tells me it's true, that everything is going to be fine...but it is just so hard to remind myself of that constantly-- 24 hours a day.

Anyway, there have been plenty of good things going on, all of which are helping the cause. First and foremost, Noelle is WALKING! She walks everywhere now, and only resorts to crawling in situations where she wants to get somewhere fast. She is so good at the walking and looks like such a big kid when she does it. 

She also is talking a lot more. She is beginning to say recognizable words, and I can tell she is learning their meanings. Luke taught her "light," and when you ask her where the light is, she looks up every time. I haven't had the heart to tell her that not all ceilings, skies, or vehicles have lights directly overhead, and sometimes lights can be on tables or walls, but we will save that for another day! 

She also says "book," well, all but the K part. When you ask her to get a book, she will walk to her room and start pulling all of her books off the shelves. She also understands dog and cat, and last night we could have sworn she said "Bella" (more like Bewwa) as we were reading her a book with a cat named Bella in it. 

She hugs her stuffed animals with intention now, and she is the sweetest little girl on the planet (but we already knew that)!

Another step in the positive direction is that I did not get a RIF notice on Friday when our superintendent handed out letters. No one at our school did, thankfully. There were 3 elementary teachers who received the letters, however, and I am sad for them. However, it is every man for himself right now, and I have to count my blessings that for next year, I still have a job.

Now, if only ONE person would want to see our house...

Life as we know it.

Hello Stranger Blog. It's been over a week since I sat down to let you in on the happenings-o-life. Not much to say, except for that I feel that change is all around me, and I am trying to embrace it all.

Basically, we live in a museum. Yep, yes we do. Our house is officially on the market, and if you want to buy it, you can click here.

Anywho, we live as if we are in a movie where they get locked in a department store overnight so they go around and do whatever they want while the store is closed and then by the time the store opens in the morning, everything better be put back where it was. That's exactly what we are doing, except it really isn't as fun as it seems on the movies. Having to have a picture perfect home (when it wasn't to begin with) by the time we leave the house at 6:30 a.m. just on the chance that someone will call and want to see the house while we are gone during the day is really difficult. I mean, I can count how many times I have made my bed since I was physically able to do so on one hand, so making my bed every day, even on weekends, really blows. I just hope it is worth it.

Noelle is loving her life, learning new things, having fun, and being super cute. We have been so busy around the house that we decided to put her to work. She has to mow the lawn:

She needs to feed herself. We don't have time for "here comes the airplane, open up the hangar!" games anymore:

And her new favorite thing to do this cute little face:

She is officially sproutin' an 8th tooth, but she is truly taking it like a champ, as always. In fact, baby girl slept from around 7:30 last night until after 8 today, which is late for her, so I almost went in to make sure she was OK, but I weighed that option against accidentally waking her up and me not getting time to clean up around the house or eat my waffle in peace (MOTHER OF THE YEAR!). Lo and behold, she was fine. I knew she was. But still...12+ hours of sleep is kind of freakish.

You may be wondering about my McFatty-ness. Well, I took cleaning the bathroom as an opportunity to put away the scale (because what potential buyer wants to see that I have to weigh myself every day?). So, I hadn't weighed myself in a week, but it turns out that the scale was still my friend. Not up, not down. I have a goal to shed 10 big ones before we head to South Carolina on June 3. I think I can do it. No, really, I do. Stop laughing. Gosh.

Still no fast food for this girl, though. Eat my shorts, Ronald McDonald.

Hello Again

It's amazing how much energy I put into running from my thoughts these days! It seems that whenever Luke tries to ask me something like, "Babe, what can I start to put away in boxes today?" (in the smallest, weakest, I'm scared shitless of you voice), I instantly grab a handful of my hair, straighten my whole body, and respond with something totally logical such as "I don't know....can you get me something to drink?"

Even though this is a 100% GO, I am still in such denial! Luke's Match Day was Thursday, and yes, he did match at Ball, as we had expected. We are happy. YES, we are! We are very thrilled that Luke received his #1 choice, and that they wanted him so much, and that it is a great program, and that the grandparents will be in the same town, and that my job (providing I am not one of the 8 teachers they want to RIF this year) is there. For these reasons, we are very happy.

But for other reasons, we are sad. Mainly-- I am very sad. Growing up in Muncie, I don't really know what I would classify myself as...a city girl or a country girl. I went to Wes-Del...that should automatically put me in the country girl category, but I don't touch farm animals and I only own cowboy boots because they look cute with a couple skirts I have. I loved country music when I was younger, and I still do, but I suppose I don't hear it much when my XM radio is on the Cosmo channel 24/7. I like a good tenderloin as much as anyone...

...but I would say that over the years, I have become much more "big city" oriented. I love the lights, the buzz, the shopping, the people, the noises. I love the ACCESS to everything. I love that we can be downtown in 20 minutes. It doesn't have to be a big "plan the whole day" experience to go to Indy. Moving back to Muncie, where the Old Navy even went out of business in the mall and the Target isn't a SUPER Target...it scares me. It also scares me that I sound really shallow right now, but, people, if I don't start airing these grievances at some point, I will in fact go nuts.

I survived there and loved it there for my first 23 years on Earth! I can do it again! I just feel like I am reinserting myself and that I will feel a little like an outsider for a while.

However, the good news, is that I am really excited for an opportunity to create a home studio in our next house. I already have lots of ideas and plans made, so that is one of the stipulations we must look for in our next house-- a room we can dedicate ONLY for a studio. My heart skips a beat just thinking about it.

So anyway-- I am on spring break this week, which means I will have lots of time to catch up and write about being a McFatty and all that good stuff.

Happy Sunday!

The Strength It Takes.

I am fully aware that I have a large following of readers, similar to that of The Heir to Blair and Harper's Happenings. Wait...no? Never mind, I hallucinated. But, for my 7 official Followers plus my mom, I will go ahead and follow up with a post about the residency decision that was made last night.

I will start this post by thinking about some times I have ever shown my strength in a tough situation. What first comes to mind is going to school, placing a smile on my face, and pretending nothing happened after our miscarriage in 2008. I had a job to do, and I had to quickly understand that I am not the first nor last woman to experience such a loss, and the world won't stop for my devastation.

Next, I think about learning how to stay all night by myself with a brand new baby as Luke worked the overnight call schedule at the hospital. I was terrified to be alone with Noelle, and I was terrified to be alone.

Lastly, I think about bringing Noelle into the world. I think about carrying her for 9 months, nourishing her, protecting her, and then laboring to give her life for many hours. I think about holding her for the first time, and in those brief moments realizing that I am Super Woman for what I just did.

What comes next for us in the future months will also require strength. Putting our lovely first house on the market, scouring our new city for another home, and learning what it will be like to have a husband in residency. Can you guess what decision was made?

It was tough on both of us, and it came down to the wire, but eventually we just had to go with our hearts and our guts. We feel really good about the decision now, but we know that we will face some doubt and criticism not only from ourselves but also from others. I am not sure, honestly, which would have been the easiest decision...staying in Indy or moving to Muncie...both had their strengths and downfalls...but no one ever, ever, ever said this would be easy, and not much of Luke's med school journey has been.

I've already cried. I've already questioned. I've already done the "what the Hell were we thinking" dance in my mind, and the decision hasn't even been final for 24 hours. However, I know that over time I will come to love what we have chosen and embrace the new adventures ahead.

When I think about the nearly 1,480 hours I will have spent in my car simply commuting to work for four years, I realize that many aspects about this choice will make me very happy...especially now that gas is lurking near that $4 mark.

One of my biggest fears is my photography business that I have worked very hard to build. I have well over 30 clients at this point and don't want to lose any of them. I am hoping to continue working in the Indianapolis area and making people happy with my camera. I don't want this move to hinder me in any way. I pray it doesn't, because I am only just beginning.

Ball Memorial is now a division of IU Health, and there are billboards everywhere advertising the name change. On my way to school, there is one that stands tall...white with red letters, simply saying, "The strength it takes." I have looked at it each day for several weeks, and this week it has had a whole new meaning.

So...with the strength it takes to go on after losing a baby...
And with the strength it takes to stay over night alone...
And with the strength it takes to give life to a child...

I will embrace this change, this choice, and turn the page.

I suck.

I am totally aware that it has been 1 week since I last updated, and that sorry little update was just to tell you I was out of space on my blog. Pathetic, I know. Also pathetic are the people on My Strange Addiction right now...eating detergent and couch cushions. At least I am not doing that...yet.

I owe you a post on our newest nephew's birth, and our 2nd youngest nephew's baptism, and my McFatty DISASTER last week, and the planning for Noelle's 1st birthday party (in 3 weeks, AHHHH), and about how much I am loving my little photography business, and also about this BIG, FAT, NASTY ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM called RESIDENCY DECISION DAY that is HAUNTING OUR EVERY WAKING MINUTE AND EVEN OUR DREAMS...which happens to be on Wednesday.

Yes, all CAPS in my writing indicates a problem. I am stressed out, losing my mind, anxious, a smidge excited, and just a tad emotional, so I am gonna spare you and just update when I get a chance.

Also? Noelle crawled. AND took 6 steps BY HERSELF in the same 48 hours. Is she trying to send me to the "home" prematurely? I have a strict "One Milestone at a Time" policy to avoid giving the mama even more gray hair (yes, I have plucked my fair share of gray hair -- rhyme!).

So, I will leave you on the edge of your seats and provide you with many blissful updates very soon. Til then...enjoy the Nugget.

Out of space!

I reached my capacity on this blog for pictures...mainly because this blog is on the same account as my photography blog. Check it out at ashleyernstberger.blogspot.com when you get a chance!

But anyway, I was able to get 20 gigs of space for $5 from Google, so thankfully I don't have to go back through and take off any pictures. Woohoo!

Oh, hi.

My first post for December. Blog, I am sorry I have neglected you. While on my "blogcation," I was doing lots of very important things, such as finding World Peace and figuring out why the hell the Pay at the Pump screen has so many questions to ask me as I am freezing my butt off pumping my gas. NO I don't have a Kroger card. NO I don't want a car wash. NO I don't want a receipt! Gah.

Anyway, as much as I am really excited for Christmas for Noelle, it seems I have lost a little tiny bit of my Christmas cheer. Last year, I did a Christmas Question of the Day on Facebook for 40 days before Christmas. This year, I mainly post things on Facebook about how I can't wait until Friday or what I ate for dinner. Lame.

I think the external stress of life has really gotten me down this holiday season, and that really disappoints me. I know I am better than that. I know that I really just need to let things go and try to live my life happily, but between school, residency decisions, money (lacking money, of course), and just the wears and tears of life, I find myself just looking forward to going to bed so I can get the next day over with quicker. What a horrible way to feel. (that was Good Ashley talking)

So, I suppose I will discuss the residency decision. Luke has finished interviewing at all 4 of his options. He has "liked" each one. He doesn't seem ready to say anything definitive at this time. I think Luke will fight a battle between his head and his heart on this one. I know there's tremendous pressure on him to make the "right" decision, and there's a lot of pressure on me to be there for him and to accept whatever conclusion he comes to and to be positive at all times. Good thing my middle name is Positivity. (that was Bad Ashley)

I suppose the good thing about the residency thing is we know we will either be in Muncie or Indy, which is comforting. It's not like we are moving across the country...although sometimes that seems tempting.

I know this post didn't accomplish much. Noelle is doing wonderfully. I have a post planned to talk about her 9 month birthday and all her stats. But she's not 9 months yet (2 more days), and I am not going to rush it. She is growing too quickly as it is.

Alright...I'm going to go look for my Christmas spirit.

This week...

This week...

I spent two nights at my parents' house in Muncie to save a late-night trip back to Indy. Luke and Noelle stayed, too. It's nice to be around family.

I had dinner with a friend who I hadn't seen in a long while, and we had great conversation.

I ordered tickets for Luke and I to see Cats at Clowes Hall on November 27th!

I ran two miles without stopping as part of week 5 of Couch to 5K.

I registered for that 5K I will be running on December 11 (Jingle Bell Run). Luke is running, too.

I took pictures of a sweet 6 month old.

I watched in amazement as our daughter turned 8 months old. Teddy Bear picture to follow soon!

All in all, a good week. :-)

Hello Again

I didn't write last week because, you see, they don't have Internet service in Hell.
Nope. I couldn't even steal a wireless connection from Purgatory. Meh. Oh well. Here I am.

Last week was not a good week for me. Everything went wrong (except for Noelle...she was awesome...and decided to sprout a full-on tooth)...but after a few pep talks and cry-it-out sessions in my car, I decided that this week would be better, and it already has been.

Enough about that.

Luke and I have had some great weekends lately. From enjoying this Fall weather to spending time with friends around a fire pit to watching Colts play good football to getting our family pictures taken finally...we have really enjoyed the time together. Fourth year of med school is turning out to be great, and Luke is afforded a lot of free time that we didn't think he would have. He has successfully submitted his residency application, and he has already been called for an interview. It's pretty nutty that this is all going to go down here in a couple months. He will interview, and then in March we will know where he will be for residency. We have a lot of prayerful decisions to make in the next few months about where to go and what to do, so let's hope that the can of tomatoes I accidentally stole from Target a few weeks ago doesn't come back to bite us in the ass...earning us a residency in Utah or something.

I have gotten back into running. And by "back into," I mean I have done it twice now. And by "running," I mean rhythmically swinging my arms faster than my legs are moving to make it appear like I am running faster than I really am. But...I am doing it. With each step, I have this schizophrenic battle between my "This SUCKS" voice and my "You can do it " voice. Regardless, I did about 2 miles on Sunday and 1 mile tonight.

Little Noelle is so wonderful. Her little bottom tooth is poked through, and she has the best little personality. We are anxiously awaiting her first Halloween, and we just love looking forward to each day with her. Her smile pulled me through my funk last week, and I know that no matter how chaotic and crazy and frustrating and Hellacious my life can be...her smile will always make me happy.

Changes!

Well, as you can see, I have been making some changes around here. This yellow color is my new favorite color, so that's why you see so much of it. I am also giving the blog a new name, as I hope to talk more about Noelle and share more of her sweetness. Things are still kind of under construction, so bear with me.

I've got some posts saved up, so check back often as they become available!

Random Update

I am so behind I don't know where to start...

Since I last posted, I have celebrated my 26th birthday and my 3rd wedding anniversary...I have seen the movie Inception- twice...I have eaten at some wonderful restaurants including PF Changs, Creation Cafe, Carnegie Library, BJ's Brewhouse, and Johnny Carino's. I have worked in my classroom a couple of times, visited with friends, spent time with Luke and Noelle, and most recently introduced my daughter to her great-grandparents on my side for the first time. It's been a pretty good two weeks.

It's that time of the summer where I get reflective and start thinking about how I have spent my time over the past couple of months. I also start thinking about the upcoming school year and what is going to be different and how I am going to change the world. Needless to say I am faced with a great deal of anxiety as I approach my first full school year as a working mom. I am sick with nerves as I am about to leave Noelle at a day care from 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. each day. I keep telling myself that I was a day care kid and I turned out OK. It just brings tears to my eyes to think about her not getting 100% one on one attention all day. I know this is a good thing and she will be cared for, but I just love her so much it hurts...

I have also been busy doing some photo shoots! In the past month alone I have taken 4 babies' photos! It is so much fun, and I am getting better and learning more each time. I am really trying to build a business with photography...it is truly a passion of mine!

Additionally, I just finished up uploading 1300 pictures to Snapfish from the years of 2007-2010. I haven't printed any pictures since my senior year of college, and I think it is really important to not only have digital pictures, but also the hard copies, too. There's nothing better than looking through an old photo album. I have been doing that a lot lately, and I have realized that I have changed so much over the years, and not just physically.

I have changed a lot over the past year...maybe even past few months. It's important to be open to change. Situations and circumstances will arise, but to be adaptable and flexible and willing to change...this will make it all easier and allow for you to be happy among all the madness. You only get this one life...

So, I am still here...house project is done. Well, I shall say the exterior house project is done. The interior will never be done as long as there are piles of laundry and stained carpet that is truly getting on my last nerve. Gah...always something!

Two weeks from tomorrow and I meet my new kiddos...bittersweet!