Just a quick note to talk about the 11 week appointment that I just had with Dr. Ertel! At first I was freaked out because she couldn't find the heartbeat right away, but she found it and it sounded glorious! It was in the 170s which is much higher then Noelle's ever was. Makes me wonder....?

Everything is going great and I am just so fortunate to have an easy pregnancy. I am also happy that at almost the 2nd trimester I haven't gained any weight. Yippee! Hopefully I can make it to another 4 week appointment without any change on the scale.

Here's to a healthy baby!

Day 1

My name's Noelle, and I'm a paci addict.

Hi, Noelle!


You see, I didn't have a choice. When I was born, I was whisked away to the NICU because I had a life threatening condition. It was all very intense. OK, I lied. I was taken to the NICU because in reality, I swallowed a little of the poop water I was living in...OK, there I said it.

Anyway-- in the NICU, a sweet nurse popped the very first paci into my mouth. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was green and rubbery and had this cool place where I could put in finger in it. Those were the days. Siiiigh.

So, like I said, I didn't have a choice. What was I supposed to say? Whoa, whoa, wait a minute! Do you know that those things cause life altering addictions? Do you know that you are setting me up for disappointment in a couple years when my parents grow a pair and decide to take the thing away from me? Huh? Do you?

So my addiction began. Mama and Papa started bringing home all kinds of cute pacis for me to try. Pink ones. Blue ones. Green ones. Even a purple one! Rubbery, plasticy, decorated, plain, big, small, but all of them awesome. I loved alllll of my pacis equally. I never showed discrimination. That's got to stand for something, right?

I pretty much blame my parents. Whenever I would cry, or be unnecessarily loud (like in church or at a restaurant), in would go the paci. I didn't care because I liked it, and they liked it, too. Who doesn't like a little peace and quiet every now and then, right?

So imagine my horror when about a week ago, my parents started saying things like, "Noelle, guess what? The Easter Bunny is coming to take all of your pacis away and give them to 'needy' children!" They would act all excited and like this wasn't going to ruin my life. I played along. I gave them cute responses. I acted OK with it, but I never was. Needy children want my pacis? Yeah, right. If they knew I only suck the toothpaste off my toothbrush and don't really brush my teeth, they wouldn't want these bad boys.

Well, the day finally came. Easter. Worst. Day. Ever. The night before, they made me put all of my pacis into a bucket and set them out on the mantle for the bunny. What is this? Christmas? Since when do we offer things to the Easter Bunny? They kept promising me some kind of awesome surprise in return, so I went along with the charade.

That night, my first night without the paci, I made sure my parents knew I was NOT happy. I couldn't just go to sleep and act like everything was fine! That's called lying. Lying is bad. So I fought them hard on the bedtime. I would scream and cry, and then I would quiet down, just long enough for them to get in some of their TV show, and then I would just let it rip again. I did this for a couple hours until I actually needed to get some rest for my big finale. 4 a.m., Baby!

I jumped up and down, screamed and cried, threatened to take my diaper off (that always gets Mama), and basically made myself look like a 9 month old until my mama came and got me. She took me to her bed. Score!

A couple hours of shut-eye later, and then it was time to request Barney at 6 a.m. I mean, seriously, I should be up for an award. I thought for sure that they would cave and give me the paci after those shenanigans, but no such luck. We went about our day, did the Easter thing, and I gave it one last effort. At both of my naps today, I cried and screamed, but those ruthless parents of mine just let me stay in there until I fell asleep. The withdrawal symptoms must be waning because I was actually tired and I actually napped pretty well without the paci.

So, here I am...24 hours without the paci, and I can say that I have completed my first day off the nip. We will see how long this lasts. If things go south, I've always got the one I hid down in the couch cushions. They never clean down there.

I just want to be the Pioneer Woman...

...and because of that, I have decided that these two pieces of kitchen utensils are a MUST and I NEED them right now.

Stainless Steel Flat Whisk

Pastry Blender

And yes I really would use them.

And start to talk in an Oklahoman accent.

2.0

Because I can't suck it in any longer...

Below is a post I wrote about 4 weeks ago when we had our first ultrasound with this pregnancy:

There comes a time in your life when you get sick of worrying, planning, and thinking about what's next, how much money is in the bank, what's going to happen, and who's going to care about it. You can plan and think and over-think and over-analyze until you feel physical pain from it all, or you can let go and let it happen.

And by "it" I mean "life."

And by "life" I mean...

I'm pregnant.

I will not lie...I will not lie on this blog and say that we just wait for the right time to come along. We knew we wanted a new baby in our lives for a really long time, and we would have gladly accepted this gift several months ago, but regardless, we have achieved a successful pregnancy, as confirmed by the ultrasound today and the strong 173 beats per minute heart thumping away.

I am still in disbelief that we are going to be parents again. I can truly say that already we feel different than when we were expecting Noelle. I'll be 100% honest-- it's not the same "giddy with excitement, holy sh*t, what's happening?" feeling that we had with her. I have spent the better part of a month worrying myself silly over the fact that I have about 1% pregnancy symptoms and forget that I'm pregnant most of the time. I had myself convinced that we would be seeing an "empty" ultrasound like we did about 3 1/2 years ago and we would be going through that kind of tragedy again.

But then we didn't see that at all. We saw a little baby, about 8 weeks old, peacefully still and heart beating wildly. We were reassured, and for the first time in a month, we exhaled.

I didn't cry like I did the first time. This doesn't mean I'm not happy or ecstatic or ready to just tell the world-- but rather I just accepted the challenge. I accepted the responsibility of growing this baby into a person, the way we have started to do with Noelle. I felt like I was accepting a new mission, and that I was ready to be this baby's mama.

Of course Noelle is a little young to understand everything, but she will be a little over 2 1/2 when this baby arrives in October, and I hope Noelle understands one thing most of all...

She is my first baby. She is my first love. Having another child will not replace her. Having another child will allow me to experience Noelle in a whole new way-- as a loving, helpful, and playful sister. She was the first to hear my heart beat from the inside, and that is pretty dang special.

We are so happy. We are so ready for this...as ready as we could ever be! Baby E 2.0 is coming in October, ready or not!

I'm changing my name

to Michelle Duggar!

Why? Well, I can tell you it's not because I have decided to have 20 children, or that I am growing my hair out to my rear end, or that I am going to buy everything from the Salvation Army (not that there's anything wrong with anything I just typed...). The real reason is that last night, I was inspired to make my own laundry detergent. Yes, you read that correctly. Laundry detergent. Made. In my kitchen.

It was actually a pretty fun process. It was easy and very inexpensive. The supplies were about $12, which included a brand new 5 gallon bucket. This recipe made 2 gallons of detergent, and after the first load this morning, I am convinced that this is the way to go! You only use 1/2 cup per load, and by my calculations, this detergent will last you a very, very long time. You see, that $12 in supplies bought us MORE than enough to make at least 2 more batches (so, 4 more gallons of detergent), and even still there will be plenty of Borax and Baking Soda after the next 2 batches...all we will need is more laundry soap (Fels Naptha...who has actually heard of THAT brand before?). So for probably $15 in supplies total, you will have enough to do at least 6 batches, or 12 gallons of detergent. I don't know or really care how that compares to store-bought, but I am willing to gamble that 12 gallons of detergent for $15 is a hell of a deal. Again, remember, you only use 1/2 cup per load!

The recipe is very simple.

Supplies:
1 box of Borax
1 box of Arm & Hammer Washing Soda (basically baking soda found in laundry aisle)
1 bar of Fels Naptha laundry soap
(all ingredients found in laundry aisle)
5 gallon bucket with lid

*You will need a container to store your detergent in when you finish. I was going to use an old detergent container, but I decided to go with an idea I saw on Pinterest where you buy one of those beverage dispensers that you would use at a BBQ with a little spout on the bottom. I got mine at Wal-Mart, and it holds 2 gallons.

1) Cut 1/3 of the Fels Naptha soap off.
2) Grate the soap with a grater over a good-sized pot.
3) Add 6 cups of water to the pot and heat it up until the soap melts. You don't need to boil it.
4) Add 1/2 cup of Borax and a 1/2 cup of Washing Soda to the pot. Let it dissolve.
5) Pour 4 cups of HOT water into the 5 gal. bucket.
6) Add the soap mix from the pot to the bucket.
7) Add 1 gal + 6 cups (which equals 22 cups total) of water to the bucket and stir it up.
8) Put lid on the bucket and let it sit for at least 12 hours.

When you check on it after 12 hours, it will look like the soup you get at chinese restaurants. It will be a little runny and gross looking, but you should see gelled together parts of the soap. Mix it up really well with a long handled spoon. Some people mix theirs up with hand mixers, but mine mixed up just fine. I then transferred the mix to the beverage dispenser and the amount fit perfectly!

Honestly, the hardest part of this whole thing was getting the darn lid off the bucket. Geez Luke put it on tightly!

We did a load of some of Noelle's dirty laundry, and we were both REALLY surprised with how well it cleaned. The clothes came out looking great!

The next batch I make, I might put some kind of scent in there, just because the clothes were pretty unscented, which is I guess what clean is supposed to smell like...? Overall I give the whole process a big 10/10 and I am happy that I did this! Every little bit helps, and if it's one less thing we have to spend money on, I say it's a victory!

I just ate Ezekiel bread.

And it was good.

I had some photo sessions in Indy today, which meant that I had some time in the car to think. As much as I wish I could teleport myself to places and not have to waste gas or time in getting there, I do miss the hours upon hours of thinking time that my commute allowed me to have. So, today I took advantage. I turned the radio down and just thought.

My first thought was, "I feel like crap."

Yes, I'm sick. I have a cold. I can't talk. I can't breathe. It's yucky. I don't get sick very often at all, but when I do, I go down hard. So, I was pitying myself, naturally.

My second thought was, "I have got to eat better."

I am not going to Zumba any longer, and I'm hours away from canceling my gym membership to the Muncie Y. I don't like it there, mainly because at the end of a long day, I don't want to run into a) any students, b) any students' families, c) people from my high school that I'm not friends with, d) people that I work with, e) former teachers, f) my boss, g) my neighbors...and all of those people I have run into while exercising at the Y. I tried the Zumba classes 3 times from a couple different instructors on different days, and I just wasn't in love. Nothing about them excited me and I just didn't want to go back.

Oh yeah and I was also asked if I was pregnant while not actually being pregnant...and it's still a sensitive subject for me.

So, I figure that extra $35 a month can be better spent. I need to remind myself to cancel the membership this week.

Anyway-- I know that the basis of losing weight and overall health is FOOD. I went nearly a year without eating McDonald's or any fast food, and now since 2012 rolled in, I have eaten it numerous times. Blah. I feel so icky. I eat a lot of Lean Cuisines which supposedly are "healthy" but are loaded with all kinds of chemicals and salt and other stuff.

So, I decided that if I wasn't going to be as physically active as I was, then I can't just eat all of this junk/crap/shit and expect to look anything other than a fat pig.

I made a mental list of things that I wanted to get at the store to try. One of them was Ezekiel bread, which is made without flour and is supposedly like the healthiest type of bread there is. One of my friends had it once and said it was really good, so I found it in the freezer section and gave it a try.

I made a piece of toast and did put some butter on it, but overall it was good. I actually really liked the texture...kind of crunchy on the outside and then soft in the middle, and the flavor wasn't bad. I'm hoping that this will be a good alternative to bread made with a lot of additives and that it will be more filling.

I am hoping to incorporate other healthy options like fresh juicing, smoothies with almond milk, and eating lunches that actually are made of real food and not prepackaged factory food.

And I'm gonna try to go another year without the golden arches.

The Good Stuff

My last post was, though a true reflection of feelings at the moment, a little 51/50 hold at Cedar Sinai Hospital in LA...think Britney Spears circa 2008, so I decided to change it up a little.

I would love to have time to blog about everything that's GOOD in my life, because there is a lot of GOOD. And just as my little chubby fingers were a-strokin' these keys, I came up with (finally) my Lenten promise. I shall blog about the positive parts of my life, and the positive parts only. There's too much good stuff going on to ignore it.

... twiddling thumbs trying to think of all that "good stuff"...

OK, I have something. For the first time in my teaching career, I got a card today from a parent that was on an actual note card and a pink envelope and said that basically she understood that this was a stressful time with ISTEP and she wanted to thank me for being a caring teacher and she is praying that everything goes well next week.

This was very sweet and unexpected. So I had to take it to my colleague next door to show it off. Teachers just DON'T get this kind of mail. At all. Ever. We hear the "You screwed up my kid because you corrected his paper!" notes. We get the "Please call me to discuss why you won't let Johnny turn in the work that was due 3 weeks ago for full credit" notes. We get the passive aggressive "Thank you for letting me know that Susie has 100 missing assignments. I'm sure that it was not intentional and there must be something going on in the classroom for her to have done so poorly. I will discuss this issue with her and then call you and stalk you until you give me the answer I want, which is clearly for little Susie to still be on the All A honor roll despite said 100 missing assignments" notes. We don't get positive, happy, "I understand" notes.

So, to that parent, I am ever grateful, and the card is now in front of my computer monitor so that I can read and reread it daily (hourly?) as needed.

On another positive "note" (silly pun)...Luke and I decided to go to breakfast for probably one of the 5 times we have done so all year on Sunday. We got Noelle ready and went to this little family restaurant named Bruner's. It's really old school and not that modern on the inside (cough...at all), but the food is great and it's all for good money. I actually love their biscuits and gravy. YUMMY. Anyway...we ordered a host of food. Like...a lot. We were hungry. Noelle was pretty good throughout the breakfast, telling the waitress at any chance she got that "Noelle wants a waffle!" Well, one of our former high school math teachers and her husband came in and came over to speak with us. Her husband, who is super nice and not scary looking at all, bent down to talk to Noelle. Well, Noelle hated this and in an unprecedented move, she burst into tears and the silent cry...where her mouth was just frozen open, horrified, and big huge tears came down her cheeks. She reached for Luke and begged for his protection. I was so embarrassed and felt terrible for her husband, who sheepishly went back to his seat. We chit chatted a little longer and then our former teacher went to sit down, too.

Well, we went to ask for our check and the waitress said "Actually, that guy took care of it," pointing to our former teacher's husband. I don't know if he felt so bad about Noelle's meltdown or if it was out of the goodness of his heart (I'm sure the latter), but he paid for our bill (remember ALL that food) and even put money on our table for the tip. Crazy! We thanked him 100 times over and of course said how he didn't have to do it, but he insisted.

It was so refreshing to have that happen to us, and it really inspired us to want to do something for someone else. Pay it forward.

So, if this blog post didn't put warm fuzzies in your heart, then perhaps you should just go ahead and pull a Britney and shave your head and stab a car with an umbrella. No?