I stole an onion.

I stole an onion the other day.

I didn't mean to.

My hands were full.

I was in the self-scan lane at Meijer.

I thought I paid for everything.

I grabbed my bag and left...

...with a Vidalia dangling in its bag in my left hand.

I didn't realize it until I got home.

I quickly cooked and consumed the evidence.

I hope Meijer doesn't go under because I shorted them 75 cents.

Don't call the cops.

Please.