Wednesday, August 18, 2010

A New Normal

On my drive to school, I do a lot of thinking. I spend a lot of time in my car alone, so for now it is where I can best sort through my thoughts and feelings.

This morning, I started to feel sorry for myself again. I was bitter that most of my colleagues hadn't even gotten up yet and I was already on the road heading to school. I was sad that Noelle was slumped over in her car seat, fast asleep, while most other babies were home in their cribs. I was angry that I have already filled up my car three times in the past week, and I hate spending all that money on gas. I started about thinking about how short my evenings are by the time I get home and get Noelle set for the evening and how there's never enough time to do what I want.

Then I caught myself. I recently saw Eat, Pray, Love with family and there was a quote that really stuck with me. He said, "Choose your thoughts like you choose your clothes." It never really dawned on me that I could control what thoughts went into my head. I always thought that you felt how you felt and nothing could change that. Well, this morning I tried to choose my thoughts. I convinced myself that this was just my new normal.

Yes, normally, people don't get up at 5:00 a.m. to go to work. Normally, they don't travel an hour each day. Normally, people don't have to take their kids with them for 2 hours in a car each day. Normally, teachers can leave at 3:10 and be home by 3:30 in the afternoon. Normally, people don't fill their cars up 3 times a week with gas. But...this is my new normal. It's my life. I am no longer waiting for my life to complete itself. That happened on March 11, 2010. It is now my turn to live it up as much as I enjoy all the time I do have with Luke, Noelle, friends, and other family. This is my challenge to be productive and efficient so that I can have more precious minutes for the important things in life. This is my new normal.

Of course, I would love to get up at 7 a.m. and be home before 4 p.m. and work 5 minutes from my home. I hope to do that someday. But, until then, I will be thankful for my job. I will cherish any and all minutes I have in the day to be with the ones I love, and I will do anything in my power to appreciate this life I have.

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