'Tis an art...

I love a good 4-letter word...really, I do. I think swearing is kind of fun, even though it is as unladylike and unintelligent-sounding as it gets. However, my favorite word these days is that of the 2-letter variety.

No.

I like saying it. No. No. No. No. Say it with me..."No!" See, don't you feel better?

I have always been a "Yes" girl. Yes, I will help you with that. Yes, I will be there in an hour. Yes, I will email that to you. Yes, I will be checking my professional email on the weekends. Yes, you can get it to me later. Yes, I have 100 things to do but I will make sure that I do what you need me to do first. Yes, you look pretty.

Sometimes, you just want to say no. 

But sometimes, you fear looking like a bitch (told you I liked swearing) in the process. You fear being disliked. You fear that you won't be needed. You fear that you are abandoning some responsibility you have to make everyone happy BUT you. 

I have found, however, that I am much less likable...much less fun...much less relaxed...and much more on edge, if I have been saying yes too much. 

So, I decided that I would try to say no more often, and so far, I have done it twice, and it has felt great and worked out swimmingly. Of course, upon the initial drop of the n-bomb, I faced some hesitation and some questioning. I felt the immediate need to justify myself and provide an excuse. However, I decided that in these cases, no excuse was necessary, and a simple, kind, calm, professional "no" would do the trick. 

We feel such a need to defend our actions. We feel such a need to provide little white lies as to why we couldn't make that dinner or why the document was late or why we just can't be at that wedding...but really, a simple truth of, "I just can't make it" will go a long way. No one wants to be lied to. No one wants to be given an excuse. I would much prefer honesty if the shoe was on the other foot. 

So, it really is an art to say no tactfully, with an assertive edge and a touch of sweetness...and I am learning. I am learning that it is OK to not be at everything, to do everything for everyone. I am learning that it is OK to want to just be home, to be with your husband and daughter, to be on your couch, sitting Indian style (...Native American style?...) with your laptop resting on your legs, just as I am right now, watching the trainwrecks on The Bachelor. I don't need to give an excuse. I don't need to lie. I don't need to deny myself the right to be relaxed and happy. 

No. Try it.