I want to be everything she needs. I want to be able to give her a life full of fun memories and happy times. I have an undeniable fear that I won't be good enough. I have flashbacks of the hurtful things I have said to my parents in the past, and my heart already breaks for when Noelle inevitably does the same thing. I understand-- after only 1 week, I understand what my mom meant when she said, "Someday, when you have kids, you will get it...."
I am scared of everything. I want to protect her from the outside world. I can't bear to watch sad shows on TV because my empathetic heart breaks for anyone in pain right now. I hate scary TV shows or watching my usual Dateline, 20/20, 48 Hours Mystery....I can't deal with the thoughts of how nasty the world is in some places. I just wish I could guarantee that no harm would ever come her way, and Luke and I can live to be 200 so we can see every part of her life.
I really hope these emotional times go away soon because I don't want to spend my time thinking of the sad things in life. I want to cherish how wonderful she is and the time we have together. I just can't put into words the immense responsibility we have been given, and I just want to do it right.