Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Zero Tolerance

Several years ago, Luke, his brother Abel, and Abel's then-girlfriend-now-wife Elizabeth and I were riding in a car together. Somehow, the conversation was started about the guys' dream girls. Abel so famously piped up, "Sandra Bullock," but he said it like this..."Soooondra BullOCK!" We all have quoted and re-quoted his words numerous times over the years. And now I have to say that Miss Sandy might be my dream girl, too.

Unfortunately, Sandra Bullock's name has recently been added to the list of gorgeous women who have been cheated on and publicly humiliated by their famous husbands. cough:: Elin Woods ::cough Apparently the tatted up, grungy, wanna-be hardass Jesse James wasn't worth the years of defense that Sandra Bullock gave him to the press, because he proved the stereotype to be true and decided to engage in numerous extra-marital affairs with some of the nation's finest women (i.e. strippers and neo-nazis). And of course, the news had to hit within days of Sandra winning her first Oscar, forcing the media to forget about her award-winning Blindside performance and focus on her philandering husband.

So why is Sandra my new favorite woman? Well, she has filed for divorce. It's not that I love divorce or think it is OK 100% of the time. It's that she was humiliated. She was betrayed. She was hurt. He probably endangered her health by exposing her to STDs. And she has enough strength to say, "I am not going to stay with you and pretend like we are going to work through it. I am not going to stay with you because you go to a 30-day rehab and call yourself healed. I am not going to stay with you, even if you offer me money." She is accepting that her marriage is over, and she is not going to put on a happy face and pretend that infidelity and betrayal are OK in a relationship.

Elin Woods should take some notes. All her husband had to do was make a scripted public apology, shoot a new Nike commercial, and make a few great shots at the Masters and now we have forgotten all he has done. I realize that they have children together, but staying together will not erase what he did or keep his children from knowing about it. Staying together will not necessarily promise those kids a happier life than if Elin and Tiger were apart. Unless Elin 100% has truly forgiven and forgotten (which I doubt, given her lack of appearance at the Masters), the children will be able to tell that their mom and dad are not happy together. Smiles will be fake. Conversations will be tense. Elin will be miserable. Tiger goes on living his egocentric, power-hungry life. Tell me how this is better for the children?

It is NOT ok for anyone to go outside his or her marriage. It is NOT ok for someone to hire a prostitute or pay off a fling with millions of dollars just because they can. It is NOT ok for a person to piss all over the vows they made on their wedding day and then go to a rehab for a month and declare the problem as solved. I think a lot of times, when affairs happen, women are made to feel that they weren't pretty enough. They weren't supportive enough. They weren't adventurous enough. They weren't fun enough. Somehow, the affair is the woman's fault. Celebrity wives who stay with their husbands after such repetitive and disgusting affairs only back up this theory. "It's my fault, so I will stay with him and try to make it better."

I know it's hard to declare a relationship "over." I have been with Luke for 10 years, and I feel physically ill at the thought of not being with him...but I also feel physically ill at the thought of him being with another woman...of him taking hard earned money to pay off the other woman...of him lying to me over and over and over again.

So, Sandra, if you were my friend, I would buy you a drink and give you a hug. I would also thank you for being true to yourself and realizing that the right decisions are the tough decisions. Your best days are ahead!


  1. Well said, Ashley. I loooovvve reading your blogs. Since you've been a wife and mother, your righteous indignation over matters of the heart has taken on even more steam. Go, well as that dumba## South Carolina governor's wife. She kicked him to the curb too. Go,Elizabeth Edwards. You deserve better after 30 some years with John.
    I can't stand liars and cheats...glad you can't either. Good luck with the shread, the rice cooking, and the zumba-ing. You're doing the right be patient. (Besides, beautiful Noelle is worth every ounce of those leftover pounds!!!) Love, Mom